Bless All the Dear Children

The recent tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut has touched the hearts of many.  I see the faces of the young victims and cry for the innocence lost.  Regardless of political affiliation, religion, race, we all mourn with the families and hug our own children tighter.

In the past couple of days, though, I've been mindful of the children all over the world who suffer while we go on with our lives.  There are thousands of little ones starving, abused, aborted, sold into the sex trade...but do we shed tears for them?  I suppose it's because while we send our own children to school each day, and thus can relate to the people of Newtown, we don't see our children's faces in those facing other tragedies.

It's time to start.  Jesus said "If anyone causes one of these little ones to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea" (Matthew 18:6).  Children have value and worth to God, and so they should have value and worth to us.

What do we do then?  The aches and pains of this world are too much for us to handle.  We can't do it all.  So start at home.  Is your home a safe place for your children and their friends?  What sort of kids are welcome at your home?  Since the Bible says that iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17), I certainly want my daughters' closest friends to be Christians.  This doesn't mean, however, that I want them to spend time exclusively with Christians.  My girls have friends of different faiths and backgrounds.  We've had children here who've never sat around a table with their family at meal time.  We've had kids spend time playing at our house because they'd be neglected at home.  My daughters know that our couch is open to any young person who needs a place to crash for the night, and our ears are open to anyone who needs somebody to talk to.

From there, branch out.  What's important to you?  Abortion?  Crisis pregnancy centers are always looking for volunteers.  Adoption?  Foster care?  Can you volunteer in the schools or at a shelter?  We all need to start doing all we can to protect our children.

John 4:6b-7, continued

Another thought regarding the women in this Samaritan town - did any of them reach out to befriend this woman? 

This is something I struggle with, as I am very introverted.  It takes a lot for me to attempt small talk (which I'm not good at), and even more for me to try and develop that muddled small talk into something resembling friendship.  As a result, I tend to be stand-offish, which appears judgmental rather than introverted. 

The Bible says, though, that we are to be kind (Ephesians 4:32), hospitable (I Peter 4:9), and compassionate (Colossians 3:12).  We need to reach out and show Christ's love to everyone, especially those who are alone.

John 4:6b-7

...It was about the sixth hour.  When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, "Will you give me a drink?"

Those who understand the culture of the day point out that there's significance to the fact that the Samaritan woman went to the well at the 6th hour.  In today's terms, that would have been about noon.  Noon in Samaria was hot - definitely not the best time to be lugging heavy jars of water.  In fact, most women chose to go early in the morning or in the cool of the evening.  This woman, however, went in the heat of the day.

Why?  Most likely the answer is found in verse 18.  Jesus tells the woman, "You have had five husbans, and the man you now have is not your husband."  The Samaritan woman had a past.  She was living a lifestyle that made her the target of gossip, shunning, and cruel whispers.  Chances are she purposely went to the well when she did in order to avoid the wagging tongues of the other women.

Gossip is cruel, and yet we women fall prey to it so often.  We love to talk, and the juicier the subject matter, the better.  I'm sure some of the women in this Samaritan town justified their words by saying "well, it's true."  True or not, gossip, slander, and rumors have no place among God's people.  Proverbs 20:19 says, "A gossip betrays a confidence, so avoid anyone who talks too much."

Some 15 years ago or so, I realized that I had a serious problem with gossip.  I asked God for help, and what followed were several of the loneliest years of my life.  I intentionally chose to step away from conversations that turned to gossip.  If I heard something about someone, I didn't run to find another person with whom to share the news.  Extreme?  Yes, but for me, that was what I needed to do to avoid the sin.  It's still an area I struggle with from time to time, but I'm doing much better at thinking before I speak. 

Luke 10:41-42

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

This is an important lesson anytime, but I think it's especially important this time of year.  We get so caught up in celebrating Christmas - the tree, the shopping, the cleaning, the baking, the parties, even the church functions - that we neglect to celebrate Christ.

A few years ago I did a study on how the principal characters of the Christmas story celebrated the first Christmas.  They all had the same response to the birth of Christ - worship. 

Mary - "My soul praises the Lord" (Luke 1:46)
The angels - praising God (Luke 2:13)
The shepherds - glorifying and praising God (Luke 2:20)
The wise men - they bowed down and worshiped him (Matthew 2:11)
Simeon - praised God (Luke 2:28)
Anna - gave thanks to God (Luke 2:38)

This should be our response as well - not fretting about getting the Christmas cards out on time or grumbling about mall traffic.  Only one thing is needed - spend time at the foot of your Savior.

Luke 7:12-13

As He approached the town gate, a dead person was being carried out - the only son of his mother, and she was a widow.  And a large crowd from the town was with her.  When the Lord saw her, His heart went out to her and He said, "Don't cry."

"If anyone knows the pain of losing His only Son, it's God." I don't recall in which book I read this quote, but I know it was Max Lucado who said it in regards to this Scripture passage.

God understands.  God knows our pain.  And when we ache, Jesus' heart goes out to us, just as it did for the widow in this story.  We are never without Someone Who counts our every tear and feels every tug on our heart.  He whispers to us with tenderness, "Don't cry."

Luke 2:22

When the time of their purification according to the Law of Moses had been completed, Joseph and Mary took Him to Jerusalem to present Him to the Lord.

Here we have two of the most important things a parent can do for their child:

1) Present Him to the Lord.  Many churches have a way to do this publicly.  By publicly devoting your child to the Lord, you are making a declaration of obedience and commitment.  You are also asking for the support of your church.  The congregation serves as witnesses to the promises parents are making before God.  This should be done privately as well, as the parents lift their child up, repeatedly, to God in prayer.

2) Joseph and Mary do this together.  The spiritual training of our children is not the responsibility of one parent.  This is a wonderful opportunity for a couple to work together, to encourage each other, and to utilize their own strengths in raising and teaching their children. 

Our children belong to God.  He has given us the responsibility to train them up in the way they should go.

Luke 2:19

But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.

What kinds of things are you pondering in your heart?  Is it past hurts and resentments?  Is it guilt or regret?  Is it bitterness or prejudice?  We all have dark thoughts that threaten to take hold of us.  Choose instead to follow Mary's example and focus on what God has done.  Think of His blessings, His mercies that are new every morning. 

May this be our prayer today - May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in Your sight, O Lord, my Rock and Redeemer.  (Psalm 19:14)

Luke 1:46-55

And Mary said: "My soul praises the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior..."

Mary responded to the angel's message with praise.  How do we respond to God's Word?

Luke 1:18

"I am the Lord's servant, " Mary answered.  "May it be to me as you have said."

Sometimes we get so caught up in the busyness of life and serving those around us - our husbands, our children - that we forget that first and foremost we are to serve God.  It is wonderful to serve God within our own homes, but we need to be attentive to His promptings and be willing to follow wherever He leads.

Matthew 5:27-28

"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

For a woman whose husband struggles with lust, the meaning here is pretty obvious.  When a man looks lustfully at another woman, he is seeking pleasure from her that he should only find with his wife.  A continued problem in this area leads the wife to feelings of inferiority - I'm not what he wants, if only I were prettier/thinner/bigger busted...  A wife has the right to be the only person her husband desires.

But this is a two-way street.  What about us as wives?  We tend to think of lust as a male problem, but many women struggle with it as well.  We should not be looking with desire at anyone other than our husbands.  Just as is the case with our husbands, we need to be selective about the books we read and the movies we watch.  Many romance novels are pretty pornographic.  Their purpose is to arouse the reader and ultimately make her unsatisfied with her own life.  Beware of Christian romance novels, too.  While they aren't necessarily bad, the perfect heroes in the book can cause a woman to wish her husband was more like that, and become dissatisfied with her marriage.  Read with caution!

And then there's Hollywood.  Some female relatives and I were recently discussing who should be People magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive"...and then I realized that talking about good-looking movie stars isn't exactly honoring to my husband.  I have a friend who won't watch a certain TV show because she finds the star attractive and doesn't want to be thinking improper thoughts.  Another friend called her husband to pick her up from the theater on a recent girls night out, because her friends had decided to see a movie about male strippers.

Sound extreme?  Ephesians 5:3 tells us that there is not to be "even a hint of sexual immorality".  The next verse says we are to avoid coarse joking.  Sure, mentioning that a particular actor is good-looking doesn't necessarily mean I want to sleep with him, but it is a step in that direction.  I think women often have a double standard - I can say George Clooney is hot, but my husband had better not say the same thing about Catherine Zeta-Jones.  If I'm not comfortable with my husband saying or watching something, I shouldn't be doing a similar thing. 

Avoid lust in any form.  We need to take captive every thought and make them obedient to Christ (II Corinthians 10:5)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Have you thanked God for your husband today?  Have you told your husband you're thankful for him?

Matthew 4:23

...and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed Him.

I've often wondered about the wives of the disciples.  What did they think when their husbands came home and told them they'd found the Messiah?  Did they pack up the family and go with them?  Did they stay and hold down the fort?  Did they fret about how their needs would be met with their husbands not working?  Did they worry about what the neighbors would think?  Did they fear for their safety?

The Scriptures don't tell us.  What they do say is that these men left everything to follow Jesus.  They put Jesus first, and followed Him to death.

We must never stand between our husbands and God's will for them.  If God says go - whether it's to the mission field, to the pulpit, or to stand up against corrupt business practices - we need to support them.  God will take care of the rest. 

Matthew 1:19

Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.

This marriage lesson comes from a husband, not a wife, but it's still very applicable to women.  Mary was pregnant, and all Joseph knew for sure was that he was not the father.  I can't imagine the struggle he must have gone through, but it's easy to understand why he had trouble believing her.  After all, her story was literally out of this world.  And so his decision to end their relationship is understandable.  What's notable, though, is what he didn't do.

Joseph refused to make a public spectacle of Mary.  He could have.  By law he could have even had her stoned.  But he chose to keep their private matters private and not cause her further embarassment.

Do we do that?  When our husbands do something wrong, or foolish, or annoying, do we keep quiet about it or do we make it a public issue?  Do we call up our mothers and say "He did it again!"  Do we get together for coffee with a friend and air all of our marital grievances?  Do we post his embarassing moment on Facebook because "it's so funny!"

Before doing any of those things, think about it.  Is it honoring to our husbands?  Is this a story or complaint that needs to be shared?  How would we feel if our husbands talked to their friends about a similar situation? 

Let's follow Joseph's lead and keep such matters to ourselves.  If it is something that needs to be discussed (a serious marital problem or sin issue), choose your confidant carefully, and make sure you're telling them for the right reasons.  Ask for permission before sharing stories.  Our husbands should be honored, respected, and valued.

Matthew 1:1-17

Judah the father of Perez and Zerah, whose mother was Tamar...Salmon the father of Boaz, whose mother was Rahab...Boaz the father of Obed, whose mother was Ruth...David was the father of Solomon, whose mother had been Uriah's wife...and Jacob the father of Joseph, the husband of Mary, of whom was born Jesus...

Five women are listed in Matthew's genealogy of Christ.  Tamar slept with her father-in-law in order to obtain the son who, according to their culture, was hers by right.  Rahab was a prostitute.  Ruth was a foreigner, from an ungodly pagan land.  Bathsheba cheated on her husband, Uriah, and was impregnated by King David, who then had Uriah killed.  Mary was a young virgin, with child by the Holy Spirit, but betrothed to Joseph.

What we see here is that Jesus' human family tree was far from perfect.  God chose an unworthy cast of characters through whom He would fulfill His promise. 

Because of Jesus, these women were not defined by their pasts.  Because of Jesus, we are not either.  Whatever mistakes we have made, whatever people say about us, however the world wants to label us - Jesus can set us free. 

Malachi 2:16

"I hate divorce," says the Lord God of Israel...So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.

This passage is about Judah's unfaithfulness to God, but Malachi uses marriage to symbolize the relationship between God and His people.  Once again we see that our marriages are supposed to reflect Christ and His faithfulness and unfailing love. 

Forgiveness and faithfulness are to be at the heart of every marriage.  As we are not perfect people, we cannot have a perfect marriage.  But we can work together to overcome obstacles.  Zechariah 4:6 reminds us that God says it's "Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit."  God knows we can't do it alone, and He doesn't expect us to.  Jesus sent us the Holy Spirit to counsel and comfort us, and it is through Him we can do all things.

Hosea

God instructs Hosea to take a prostitute as his wife, as an illustration of how Israel has been unfaithful Him.  The book of Hosea is a beautiful promise of God's unfailing love for sinners, and the hope we have of redemption through Him.

So many people today are confused as to what marriage is all about.  Some claim it's merely a piece of paper - that they can be committed to each other without making it "official".  Today in Minnesota voters are heading to the polls to define what they think marriage should be.  But I'm afraid we - even within the church - have lost sight of what marriage is intended to be.

Marriage is supposed to be a symbol of Christ's love for the Church (Ephesians 5:22-33).  Our husband's love for us, our submission to and respect of him, our mutual faithfulness and partnership, all should point people to Jesus.

Can the world see Jesus in your marriage?

Song of Solomon 8:7

Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away.

Marriage is hard!  There are bills and children and unemployment and sickness and chores and in-laws and car trouble and deadlines and headaches.  Add to that two sinful people - people who are selfish and prideful and lazy and lustful and angry and spiteful and who just cannot hold their tongues.  And love is supposed to be stronger than all of this? 

This is where that third strand in Ecclesiastes 4 is so vitally important.  Can the love of two people withstand the raging waters of life?  Not easily.  But God can.  And He will help those who trust in Him.

Song of Solomon

It is so beautiful that God, in His Word, chooses to show us the tenderness of sexual intimacy within a marriage.  He wants us to know that it is an integral part of the bond between a husband and a wife.  God gave us sex as something to be enjoyed and celebrated.

Ecclesiastes 5:2

Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. 
God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.

This is not addressed specifically to wives, but I think it's a good thing to remember.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:  If one falls down, his friend can help him up.  But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!  Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.  But how can one keep warm alone?  Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

It's such a blessing that we don't have to walk this road alone.  The article from yesterday addressed dealing with our husbands' sins.  These verses affirm what the article said - if one falls, the other can pick him up.  We are not to shame our husbands when they fall.  It is our duty, our privilege, to help him back up.  We can admonish and encourage him, help him find the help he needs. 

We are to stand by his side when Satan attacks - though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  We should never leave our husbands to face these battles alone.  Cover them with prayer!  Remind him of God's promises.  Stand with him in the fight.

And never, ever forget that third strand - God is our Help and our Shield.  He goes into battle with us and before us.  Lean on Him.

Well Worth Reading

For those of you whose husbands struggle with pornography, or who have friends whose husbands struggle, this is a wonderful resource -

http://lysaterkeurst.com/2012/10/what-women-want-to-know-about-pornography/

Proverbs 31:30

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

So very contrary to what the world is constantly telling us, but so, so very important.

Proverbs 31:27

She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

I have to admit, I'd love to see the Proverbs 31 woman behind the scenes.  This verse, this passage, all makes it look like she makes everything run so smoothly.  No crying toddler clinging to her leg.  No worrying about stretching out the paycheck.  No disagreements with her husband.  No pile of clothes that need to be ironed.  No trying to figure out how to get two children to activities on the opposite end of town at the same time.  And I have to wonder, is this real?  It's a wonderful standard to aspire to, but is it really possible?

All I know is that in our weakness, God is strong.  He promises strength for the weary and rest for those who are heavy laden.  When it's all too much, we can lean on Him and He will carry us through.

Proverbs 31:26

She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

James 3 talks about the power of the tongue - The tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts.  Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.  The tongue is also a fire...It corrupts the whole person...  How quickly our words can cause damage!  Gossip, pettiness, prejudice, insults, lies...the list goes on.  These words have no place coming out of the mouth of a godly woman. 

I confess this is probably my greatest area of sin.  It is so easy to let unkind words slip out.  I'm getting better, but I have a long way to go.  I try to ask myself "Does this really need to be said?" before I say anything - but sometimes my mouth moves faster than my brain.  The key is the heart.  If the sinful thoughts are not there, they won't slip out of my mouth.  My prayer is Psalm 19:14 -

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in Your sight, O Lord my Rock and my Redeemer.

Proverbs 31:25b

...she can laugh at the days to come.

The first thing that comes to my mind here is laughter - a sense of humor is so important in a marriage!  But I think what this is referring to is not fearing the future.  The Proverbs 31 Wife is not afraid of what lies ahead - partially, I believe, because she plans ahead and is prepared.  But more importantly because she knows Who holds the future in His hands.  Tomorrow holds no guarantees, no matter how much we do to prepare for it.  However, we have no need to worry, because God is in control.  A strong faith in God, a confidence in His promises, and a good foundation in His Word can help us weather any storm that may come our way.

Proverbs 31:25a

She is clothed with strength and dignity...

When I think of my maternal grandmother, that's how I think of her - clothed with strength and dignity.  For many years I've said she's who I want to be when I grow up.  But I feel like I have so far to go.  I've heard that she wasn't always that way.  She started out with a long way to go, too.  Maybe there's hope for me...

Proverbs 31:24

She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.

I'm not going to start a SAHM vs. working mom debate, but what we see here is a woman who is doing what she needs to do for her family.  She is using the gifts and talents that she has and, along with helping others (v. 20), she also wisely helps to provide for her family. 

The needs of each family are different and I think it's sad that so many are quick to criticize those who don't do things the same way they do.

Proverbs 31:23

Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

They say a good man usually has a good woman behind him.  Part of my role as a wife is to encourage my husband to be the best he can be.  Support him as he tries to walk with integrity.  Know what his strengths are, praise them, and give him opportunities to use them.

We need Christian men in leadership positions in the church, in our businesses, and in our communities.  We ought to help our husbands find the roles that best suit their talents, interests, and passions.

Proverbs 31:21-22

When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.  She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

She plans ahead and is prepared for each season.  Day and night her family is provided for.  She takes pride in her appearance.  I've sometimes wondered about the stereotypical '50s housewife, vacuuming in heels and pearls.  I've thought about trying that for a day (although as yet I haven't done it).  I'm guessing that if I dressed with more care, even when expecting to spend the day cleaning house, I would also take more pride in the appearance of the house.  When I wear a sweatshirt and jeans, that's the standard I'm setting for myself.  Clothes should not be a source of pride, but I do think they have an effect on one's attitude.

Proverbs 31:19-20

In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.  She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.

(Since a distaff isn't something I frequently use, I had to look up what it is.  Like a spindle, it's something used for spinning wool.) 

The first verse made me think of Dorcas, in Acts 9, who made clothing for the poor, and so I thought it fit well with the verse that follows it.  The Proverbs 31 woman is charitable.  She shares generously with those who are in need.  I think, though, that the choice of wording is important.  "She opens her arms" and "extends her hands".  This isn't long-distance giving, like sending a check to a far-off organization (although that is a good thing to do).  This is more personal.  She welcomes the needy.  It sounds like a face-to-face kind of thing.  She not only helps meet their physical needs, but she takes the time to get to know them.  She treats them like she would treat a friend or family member.  Maybe it's working at a soup kitchen.  Maybe it's helping the family down the street who has fallen on hard times.  But she ministers personally to their needs and in doing so, shows them the love of Christ.

Proverbs 31:17-18

She sets out about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.  She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.

One of my greatest struggles is laziness.  I don't call it that though.  I refer to it with much more honorable titles.  "I'm spending time with my girls" (sitting on the couch watching TV).  "Reading this book is expanding my mind" (while dirty dishes clutter the counter).  Facebook is a "prayer tool" (it is, but I waste more time on the computer than I actually spend praying for my Facebook friends).

These things, in and of themselves, are not all bad.  But when there is work to be done and I'm selfishly wasting time, something needs to change.  The Proverbs 31 woman works "vigorously" and late into the night.  She is hard-working and anything but lazy.

Parenthetical Post

In which I take a brief detour from Proverbs

I was watching The Bridges of Madison County this weekend (yeah, I know...).  For those who don't know the story, bored housewife Meryl Streep has a brief affair with traveling photographer Clint Eastwood while her husband and kids are out of town.

While I don't like that this movie condones extra-marital affairs, I could understand its appeal.  Streep's character feels unappreciated and stuck in a rut.  Along comes Eastwood, full of words of admiration.  She says she's stuck in the middle of nowhere, he says, "This isn't nowhere - it's your home."  He asks her about her life and her dreams.  He listens to her and doesn't belittle her.  What woman wouldn't swoon at that?

I thought about telling my husband this, about how wonderful Clint Eastwood was and that if husbands would treat their wives the way he treats Meryl Streep, wives wouldn't be searching for something more.

And then I realized that there are two sides to this.  If wives would take the time to listen to their husbands, men wouldn't be searching for something more. 

My marriage is wonderful, but there are times I feel like we're stuck in a rut.  When "date night" ends up being McDonalds and going to sleep early.  When we're home without the kids and don't spend any of that time talking like we used to - not because we don't need to say anything, but because we don't know what to say. 

I'm not responsible for my husband's role in this, but I am responsible for mine.  I can listen.  I can ask him about his dreams and encourage him to keep dreaming, and to reach for those goals.  I can tell him, again and again, how much I admire, appreciate, and respect him.  I can make a bit more effort to make our home, and our bedroom, inviting.  I can think of new things to do and new places to go, even if it's just a walk down a path we haven't explored before.  We can learn new things together - take a class or get a how-to book from the library.  We can cook together or change the tire together or any number of things...together.

When we fell in love, we wanted to do everything together.  I cheered him on, wrote love notes, believed that everything he did was wonderful and exciting.  I can still do that today.  There's no reason a twenty-year-old marriage can't be full of passion.

Proverbs 31:16

She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

She invests her money wisely, not impulsively.  Very important to remember in a culture where overspending and credit card debt is rampant.

Proverbs 31:15

She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.

I'm typically up early to do a little of my work around the apartment building and then get my daughter up and off to school.  But today was a rarity - I also got dinner going in the crock pot and cleaned up the kitchen.  If I was more organized I think I would do that more often.  It feels good to have all that taken care of by 9:00. Getting work done first thing in the morning leaves the rest of the day free for other things.  I guess that's my goal then - to be organized enough to do that. 

One interesting thing to point out in this verse - we think the Proverbs 31 wife was Superwoman.  She sets an impossibly high standard.  But here we see she had servants.  How fair is that?

I think the lesson here is that we don't have to do it all. It's okay to delegate.  Share some tasks with your husband.  Assign chores to your kids.  Accept help when it's offered.  Work together with other women, perhaps in some sort of co-op. 

Work diligently.  Stretch yourself.  Set high goals for yourself.  But realize that it's okay to say no once in awhile.  You don't have to overdo.  The floor can be vacuumed tomorrow if your child wants you to play hopscotch today.  The dishes can wait in the sink while your husband tells you about his day.  Use your time wisely.

Proverbs 31:13-14

She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.  She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.

We don't do a whole lot with wool and flax at our house, but I will admit that there are times when I'm coming home from the grocery store that I feel like a merchant ship bringing food from afar.

The Proverbs 31 woman is a wife who works hard to supply food and clothes for her family.  She is prudent and practical in her selections, being careful not to waste resources.  I find it interesting that the passage says "eager hands".  I'm not sure that my work can always be characterized as eager.  Eager to get done, maybe.  But I think she finds joy in serving her family.  She wants to be industrious and to see the fruits of her labor.

Proverbs 31:12

She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

No deep thoughts here...the verse just makes me think.

Proverbs 31:11

Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.

The Message says "Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it."

I want to be a woman worthy of my husband's confidence.  A husband should not only be able to trust in his wife's fidelity, but also to be able to depend on her - in how she manages the home, in how she uses their money, in her integrity.  He should also be assured that his wife will be there to support and encourage him.  He should be able to rely on her to point him to God when he's overwhelmed with the problems of the world.  He should know that his wife is praying faithfully for him.  That's the kind of wife I want to be.

Proverbs 31:10

A wife of noble character who can find?  She is worth far more than rubies.

When I think of being a wife of noble character, I think of Colossians 3 -

Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, with binds them all together in perfect unity.  Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts...And be thankful.  Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.  And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

My two grandmothers were very different in interests and personalities, but both embodied these verses. They sought God daily and strived to live their lives for Him only. Their homes were filled with His love and reminders of His goodness. They set beautiful examples of how to be a Proverbs 31 woman. They were, indeed, worth far more than rubies.

Proverbs

A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping. (19:13)
Better to live on the corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. (21:9 and 25:24)
Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.  (21:19)
A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.  (27:15-16)

Apparently Solomon didn't have a lot of patience for quarrelsome wives.  Our husbands shouldn't have to, either. 

The thing about being quarrelsome is that it is a choice.  You may not always agree with your husband, but how you choose to present your differing opinion can make all the difference in how peaceful your home is. 

Choose your battles.  Is it worth arguing about dirty socks on the floor?  How much time, really, does it take to pick them up for him?  If you truly feel it is something worth confronting him about, pick the setting carefully.  Don't air grievances in front of others.  Don't bring up the issue when you're angry or tired.  Don't pounce soon as he comes home from work. 

Choose your words.  "Honey, I was wondering if you would mind..." goes much further than "How many times do I have to tell you..." Don't attack him.  Aggression breeds aggression.  When a person is backed into a corner, he tends to come out fighting.  Remember that you are partners - you're there to support each other.

Choose not to nag.  Don't be a dripping faucet.  Nagging will not remove the socks from the floor, and it only leads to resentment.

Choose to stick to the issue at hand.  I think women, more so than men, tend to bring up past hurts, even when they have nothing to do with the present situation.  I remember a "discussion" with my husband in which I started to bring up something unrelated that he had done in the past.  I realized it would only serve to escalate the situation, but my mouth was about to move faster than my brain.  I quickly put my hand over my mouth and kept it there until I talked myself out of using the hurtful words.  If that's what is needed to keep the conversation civil, do it.  If you need to walk out of the room and finish the conversation later, do it.  Count to ten.  Think before you speak.  Ask God for wisdom.  One of my favorite prayers is "God, keep Your arm around my shoulders and Your hand over my mouth."

Proverbs 19:14

Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.

The Living Bible uses the word "sensible".  The Amplified Bible says "wise, understanding, and prudent".  We are to show wisdom, discernment, common sense, and integrity in our roles as godly wives.  My mother often told us "Think, then do".  This applies just as much to adults as to children.  Do not be foolhardy and act rashly.  We should be prudent in how we treat others, in how we manage our budgets, in the care and keeping of our homes.  Our words should be chosen carefully and we should remember that our actions speak louder than our words. 

Proverbs 18:22

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.

For a change of perspective, I asked my husband about this verse.  What, in a man's mind, is good about finding a wife?  "Besides sex?" he asked.  Well, I had already figured on that.  Here's his response:

Companionship.  A deep friendship.  Having somebody who is always there for you, supporting you.  A helper, standing in battle with you.  Intimacy - intimately knowing someone and having them know you.  Having a better understanding of Christ and the Church.

Proverbs 14:1

A wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.

I can't help thinking of Jesus' parable in Matthew 7 - Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.  The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock...A home built on a solid foundation will weather heavy storms.  Our homes should be built on the foundation of God's Word. 

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.

When darkness seems to hide His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

(Edward Mote)

Proverbs 12:4

A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.

My prayer is that daily I will be pursuing noble character, and not bring disgrace to my husband or my home - or, most of all, my God.

Proverbs 5:18-19

...May you rejoice in the wife of your youth...may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.

Sex is an important part of marriage, a beautiful gift from God.  It serves the purpose of procreation, but, as these verses state, it is also intended for pleasure.  Sexual intimacy helps bring a couple closer together, sharing moments alone together.  It is a personal, private expression of love.

These verses (and going back to v. 15) show that marriage should be monogamous, that you should continue to find joy in one another throughout the years, that sex should be pleasurable and satisfying, and that your husband should be "ever captivated by [your] love."

Psalms

I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth.  Psalm 34:1, KJV

When my daughter was going through her terrible twos, I found I had two ways in which I could respond.  I could throw a tantrum right along with her, or I could sing hymns and songs of praise.  While I may have felt like doing the former, I chose the latter, and she would kick and scream to the off-key sounds of "Awesome God" or "Great is Thy Faithfulness".  It may not have stopped the tantrum (in fact, it would sometimes give her more to scream about - "Stop singing!!!"), but it helped me to keep perspective.  I also realized that my mom sang a lot when we kids were growing up.  Hmm...

The Psalms are there to help us keep perspective.  They remind us, again and again, of the greatness of God.  They assure us that He is our Shepherd, our Rock, our Fortress, our Help, and our Shield.  He is rich in love and goodness.  He is faithful and just.  He is our Provider, our Deliverer, and our Strength.  His mercies endure forever.  He counts our tears.  He forgives us.  He heals us.  His ears are open to our cries.  He alone is worthy of our praise, now and forevermore.

Job 2:9

[Job's] wife said to him, "Are you still holding on to your integrity?  Curse God and die!"

Before we go into what's obviously wrong with Job's wife's outburst, I think we need to look at where she is coming from.  This poor woman has not only lost all of her possessions and financial security, but every single one of her children has died.  I cannot fathom losing even one of my daughters.  If I were Job's wife, I would curl up into a ball and sob until I had no tears left.  I most likely would find myself questioning where God was when the house the children were in collapsed.  I would ask Him why He didn't stop it.  I would ache and lash out and feel completely and utterly empty.  I cannot imagine her pain.  And I do think that sometimes in the midst of trials like this, instead of drawing strength from our husbands we rail against them.  "How on earth can you be holding it together?  Don't you care?  Why aren't you falling to pieces like I am?"  She must have felt incredibly alone.

But Job, in the midst of his grief, turned to God.  I'm reminded of something Mary Beth Chapman said after the terrible car accident that took her young daughter, "I was in a freefall, and all I knew for sure was that at some point I was going to land in the hands of God." (it may be slightly paraphrased)  Job could not see God's hands, but he had to hold on to what he knew - that God is God, and we are not.  He tells his wife, "You are talking like a foolish woman.  Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" (v. 10)

When tragedy strikes, don't blame God.  Lean on Him.  Trust in Him.  And let your pain draw you closer to your husband, not further away.  You are his helpmate, his co-warrior, his ezer.

Esther 5:3

Then the king asked, "What is it, Queen Esther?  What is your request?  Even up to half the kingdom, it will be given you."

While we most likely will never be in a situation like Esther's, there may be times when we need to confromt our husbands on something - whether it's an unwise choice he's making or perhaps an ongoing sin in his life.  We can follow Esther's example on how to best do this.  Here are some things I noticed that Esther did.

1) She gave the matter careful consideration (4:11).  Esther did not speak first and think later.  She considered her options and weighed the pros and cons.

2) She listened to wise counsel (4:13-14).  Mordecai advised Esther on what she should do.  Remember that it is never prudent to share personal matters with everybody.  However, it is often wise to seek out one or two trusted, mature Christian friends for advice.

3) She fasted and prayed, and asked others to do so as well (4:16).  As we discussed yesterday, God has blessed us with other believers who can join us in prayer.  Again, be prudent about whom you are sharing things with, and remember that not all details need to be divulged when asking for prayer support.

4) She determined to do what was right, regardless of personal cost (4:17).  James 1:5 assures us that God will grant you wisdom if you ask.  He will show you the path to take.

5) She waited for the right time and place (5:8)*

6) She treated her husband with respect (7:3).  Regardless of your husband's actions and attitudes, he is your husband and should always have your respect.

7) She spoke with humility (7:4).  Esther did not accuse.  She did not make herself out to be better than her husband.  And she did not ask for more than was reasonable or necessary.

8) She persisted (8:3).  Esther knew she was right and did not back down.  She also did not nag, yell, or accuse.

9) She spoke with wisdom (8:5).  Esther not only addressed the problem; she proposed a soluton. 

10) She showed concern for others (8:6).  Esther did not focus on herself.  Her concern was for how her husband's actions would affect other people.

11) She followed through (9:29-32).  Esther did not leave her husband to fix the problem on his own.  She saw it through to the end.

*My husband would like me to add that Esther knew that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach (5:4).  Making his favorite dinner or dessert is always a good idea :) 

Esther 4:15-16

Then Esther sent this reply to Mordecai:  "Go, gather all the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me.  Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day.  I and my maids will fast as you do.  When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law.  And if I perish, I perish."

As we read yesterday, Esther was called upon to do something hard and incredibly risky.  Her response was to go.  But notice what she did first - she fasted, and she called on others to fast (and presumably pray) with her.

You do not have to face challenges alone.  God is by our side, always.  But He has also given us the fellowship of other believers.  We have brothers and sisters in Christ who can also walk the road with us, people who will fast, pray, counsel, encourage.  Call on these people to hold you up in prayer, and remember to hold them up when they are the ones doing hard things.

Esther 4:13-14

[Mordecai] sent back this answer:  "Do not think that becaue you are in the king's house you alone of all the Jews will escape.  For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish.  And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"

I love Mordecai.  He was so wise and well-spoken.  Mordecai's cousin, Queen Esther, has to confront her husband regarding a law that will result in the annihilation of all the Jews in Persia.  However, in going to the king, Esther will be putting her own life at great risk.  And so Mordecai delivers this pep talk.

Although our situations may be different, God still calls us to do hard things.  Perhaps He's calling you to adopt a child, or to take an aging parent or grandparent into your home.  Maybe He's asking you to give financially beyond what your budget allows.  It could be He wants you to head up the PTA, or to attend church alone because your husband refuses to go.  He might be leading you away from present comforts to a place on the mission field.  Maybe He wants you to go and welcome the new neighbor.  Or maybe He wants you to befriend that neighbor, the one with the wild children and the lawn that hasn't been mowed since May.

Whatever it is, God wants to stretch you.  He wants to pull you out of your comfort zone and shape you in the image of Christ.  Will it be easy?  No.  Will the path be free of obstacles?  Probably not.  Will God go with you?  Every step of the way.

II Kings 8:18

[King Jehoram] walked in the ways of the kings of Israel, as the house of Ahab had done, for he married a daughter of Ahab.  He did evil in the eyes of the Lord.

We all have a story.  We all have things in our past that shape who we are today.  For some, the past is mostly good.  For others, it is painful.  Divorce, abuse, neglect...the scars run deep and have a lasting impact.

The good news is that we are not defined by our past.  The mistakes of yesterday - whether they are our own or someone else's - do not have to become the failures of today.  God's grace is greater than our pain.  His strength is made perfect in our weakness (II Corinthians 12:9).

We do not have to repeat the sins of our fathers.  Through Christ, we can begin again.  He makes all things new (Revelation 21:5)!  If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation!  The old is gone, the new has come (II Corinthians 5:17).

II Kings 8:5

Just as Gehazi was telling the king how Elisha had restored the dead to life, the woman whose son Elisha had brought back to life came to beg the king for her house and land...

Seven years earlier, Elisha had warned the Shunamite woman about an upcoming famine, and urged her to move someplace else.  Now the woman has come back to Israel and is asking for the return of her home.

The passage does not mention her husband.  It is possible that the man has died, but either way, this woman has always been very involved in the affairs of her household.  Here we have her humbling herself - and telling of God's goodness - as she begs for her land.

As wives we have an important role in the business affairs of our household.  Perhaps you work outside the home.  Maybe you're the one who pays the bills and manages the checkbook.  You might be the one who does all the shopping.  Whatever our specific role may be, we are to care for our home with wisdom.  We are to seek God's counsel daily, and be obedient to Him as we do our part tending to our family's finances.  Put God first.  Be good stewards of what He has given you.  Be honest in your transactions.  And tell of His goodness and provision.

II Kings 5:3

[The servant girl] said to her mistress, "If only  my master would see the prophet who is in Samaria!  He would cure him of his leprosy."

Naaman, captain of the Aramite army, has leprosy.  A servant girl tells his wife about Elisha, and she in turn tells her husband.

What I admire about Naaman's wife is that she heeds the wisdom of others.  And in this case, the "other" is a young girl.  Most people would disregard the words of a child, especially in so serious a matter.  But Naaman's wife shows discernment and wisdom in following the advice of her servant and, we read later in the chapter, Naaman is healed.

II Kings 4:9-10

She said to her husband, "I know that this man who often comes our way is a holy man of God.  Let's make a small room on the roof and put in it a bed and a table, a chair and a lamp for him.  Then he can stay there whenever he comes to us."

What strikes me in this story is the woman's partnership with her husband.  They work together to prepare a room for Elisha.  They care for their son together.  When she turns to him and asks about going to call Elisha, her husband encourages her to go as soon as possible.

This is what marriage should be.  While this is clearly the Shunamite woman's story, her husband is very much a part of it.  They consult each other, they work together, they encourage one another.  They are a team, as God intended them to be.  It's beautiful.

II Kings 4:5

...She left him and afterward shut the door behind her and her sons.  They brought the jars to her and she kept pouring...

The first thing I see in these seven verses is God's miraculous provision.  Philippians 4:19 tells us that God will meet our every need.  He is faithful and will do what He has promised - in His way, in His time.

The second thing I noticed was what the widow did.  She trusted God and then acted on that faith.  She didn't just sit back and wait - she was obedient to what God told her to do.  Time and again in Scripture we see people who trusted God to fulfill His word and stepped forward in faith.  Jochebed trusted God and placed Moses in the basket (Exodus 2).  Ruth trusted God and left her homeland to care for her mother-in-law (Ruth 1).  Abigail trusted God and provided food for David's men (I Samuel 25). 

James 2:17 tells us that faith without works is dead.  This does not mean that we earn our salvation.  It means that trusting God isn't just something we say - it's something we do.

I Kings 21:4-7

So Ahab went home, sullen and angry because Naboth the Jezreelite had said, "I will not give you the inheritance of my fathers" ...  Jezebel his wife said, "Is this how you act as king over Israel?  Ge up and eat!  Cheer up.  I'll get you the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite."

Oh my.  First of all, here's hoping that none of us have to deal with a husband who pouts like a spoiled child when he doesn't get what he wants.  Ahab's behavior was far from stellar.

But let's take a look at Jezebel.  While we might not have to deal with childlike tantrums from our husbands, we probably have seen moments of discontent or discouragement.  Should we, in that moment, feed the pity party?  Should we do anything, at any cost, to give someone what he wants?  Our response to our husbands' low feelings have a huge effect on his self-esteem, as well as on the well-being of our families.

I believe the secret lies in thankfulness.  Rather than saying, "You're right.  You deserve the [new car, promotion, awesome vacation...] and come heck or high water I'll make sure you get it,"  we can turn the focus on what we do have.  "Yes, you have worked hard to earn that raise, and I appreciate all you've done.  But I am so thankful that God has blessed you with a job.  You're great at what you do and you are a really good provider."  "Yes, the Smith family has a beautiful new house.  But ours is just what we need and I'm thankful for it."  Don't feed the discontent.  Turn it into an opportunity to count your blessings.

I Kings 17:10

So [Elijah] went to Zarephath.  When he came to the town gate, a widow was there gathering sticks.  He called to her and asked, "Would you bring me a little water in a jar so I may have a drink?"

I have to admit, hospitality is not my strong suit.  I am not a good cook and I'd rather do just about anything than clean.  I try to keep a box of brownie mix handy in case one of my children announces that they're bringing friends over, and then the poor kids feast on average-tasting brownies and microwave popcorn.  Other than my sister - who just helps herself to the meager findings in my kitchen - I haven't had a grown-up over for a visit in months (I'd say years, but we had some family stay with us when my older daughter graduated in June).

I like to brush this all aside with a "hospitality is NOT my spiritual gift".  I'll teach Sunday School.  I'll go to prayer meetings.  I'll write a blog.  But ask me to bring food to the potluck dinner and you'll probably get a "veggie tray" consisting of baby carrots and a plastic container of dip.  I Peter 4:10 says, " Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms."  But then I go back a verse, to the one that reads "Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling."  It's not really a suggestion; I think it's more of a command. 

So what does this mean to people like me, who has no idea what a white sauce is and doesn't own a functioning vacuum cleaner (I borrow one every couple of weeks)?  I think the widow shows us.  She didn't have much, but she gave what she had to Elijah.  My cupboards might not be as empty as hers, but my homemaking skills are pretty sparse.  Still, I can give what I have.  I can share the best of what I have with others and trust God to take care of the rest.

I Kings 11:4

As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God, as the heart of David his father had been.

This verse makes me so sad.  Women, one of our primary duties in marriage is to encourage our husbands in their walks with the Lord.  We should support them and pray for them.  Encourage his involvement in church.  Seek out friendships with couples who will help you grow in your faith.  Share with one another the things you read in Scripture, the answers to prayer that you see, and things you want the other to pray for.  Support decisions that are in line with God's will. 

God did not intend for us to have to travel this road alone, and we are to draw our husbands closer to Him, not drive them farther away.

II Samuel 11:4

Then David sent messengers to get her.  She came to him, and he slept with her.

I may be wrong, but I don't believe David was the only one at fault here.  Sure, he was the king, but I think had Bathsheba said no, that would have been the end of it.  It says here, "She came to him", not "He took her".  And when God punishes the sin, both David and Bathsheba suffer (II Samuel 12:13).  I believe Bathsheba was equally guilty in their transgression.

Why did Bathsheba do it?  Probably because she was lonely.  She was an army wife, one whose husband was so loyal to those with whom he served that he put them ahead of his own wife (II Samuel 11:11). 

Perhaps you know Bathsheba's loneliness.  Maybe you're married to a military man who is gone for long stretches of time.  Maybe your husband doesn't travel, but he works long hours at the office.  Perhaps he spends weekends on the golf course or in a fishing boat.  Or maybe it's ministry.  He may be serving in a position that requires him to be on call twenty-four hours a day.  Whatever the reason, too often you go to bed alone. 

If this is your story, I caution you to remember he is still your husband.  While it may be helpful to seek out friendships to help fill the void, do not seek other men to help counter the loneliness.  What starts as an innocent friendship can all too quickly lead to trouble.  Remember what the writer of Hebrews said, "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure." (13:4a)  Honor your God by honoring your vows.

II Samuel 11:2

One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace.  From the roof he saw a woman bathing.  The woman was very beautiful...

Did Bathsheba know the king could see her from the balcony?  We don't know.  But it was not uncommon for people to be on their rooftops, especially in the evenings when trying to escape the heat of the day.  The important thing that Bathsheba neglected here was modesty.  She could have bathed elsewhere.  She could have put up a curtain.  She could have bathed at a different time.

Men are visually stimulated.  This wasn't intended to be a bad thing.  It's good when a man looks at his wife and thinks, "Yeah, baby!"  But it also can be a big problem area where other women are concerned.  I don't think we women really understand how difficult the temptation can be.  Are the men ultimately responsible for where their eyes and thoughts wander?  Absolutely.  But I Corinthians 8:9 says "Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak."

I can't believe the things some moms wear when they accompany their young children to the wading pool.  As my teenage daughters say, "Modesty is hottesty".  Remember when you instruct your young daughters in their dress that the same rules apply for all of us.  That ring on your finger does not mean men won't notice your cleavage.  We have a responsibility to dress and behave with modesty and propriety (I Timothy 2:9).

Quote from Safely Home

I am currently reading the book Safely Home, by Randy Alcorn.  In it, a Chinese woman explains, in broken English, what marriage is all about.

"Wife and husband must be more than lovers.  Must be comrades, soldiers fighting side by side for the same great cause...Wife and husband should not only lie down face-to-face, but stand up shoulder to shoulder.  They must face together the worst [Satan] can do to them.  And when they draw on the strength of Yesu, He bind them together."

II Samuel 6:20

When David returned home...Michal...came out to meet him and said, "How the king of Israel has distinguished himself today, disrobing in the sight of the slave girls of his servants as any vulgar fellow would!"

One last lesson from Michal - offended, bitter, and angry, Michal publicly chastises David.  The Bible says she "came out to meet him".  She didn't wait to confront him in the privacy of their home, nor did she pause and cool off a bit.  Michal didn't care who heard her - she had a beef with her husband and she let everybody know it.

There may be times when we do need to admonish our husbands.  But notice the difference between the word admonish ("to caution, advise, or counsel against something") and chastise ("to criticize severely").  Our words should be chosen carefully and spoken with love.  The purpose should be to build up and encourage, not tear down and humiliate.  And this should never be done in public.  Ephesians 5:33 says "A wife must respect her husband".  Temper your words with wisdom and respect, or do not speak at all.

II Samuel 6:16, Part 3

...And when she saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord, she despised him in her heart.

Regardless of Michal's motives, we can still learn much from her story.  First, we saw that in our pain we should turn to God and not against Him.  The second thing I see in this chapter is a wife who tries to get between her husband and God. 

Michal criticizes David in verse 20, basically telling him his worship makes him look like a fool.  In what ways do we do this today?  Do we wish - silently or openly - that our husbands wouldn't sing too loudly or raise their hands in worship?  Do we resent the fact that the alarm goes off too early in the morning because he wants to spend time with God before he heads for work?  Do we complain that his church meetings disrupt our family's meal schedules?  Do we quickly start eating at restaurants before he gets a chance to pray and draw attention to our table?

I've spent time this weekend examining my heart to see in what ways I am like Michal.  I've asked my husband if he has seen any of this behavior.  Our primary role as godly wives is to encourage our husbands to walk closer to Christ, not to draw them away from Him.

II Samuel 6:16, Part 2

Now that we see what brought Michal to this point, we can understand her better, and maybe not be so harsh on her.  Michal was hurting.  She was alone - her family was dead, she was separated from the husband who loved her, and her current husband considered her merely one of many.  And here was David, rejoicing and celebrating His God, while he had little to no affection left for her.  This is the Michal who publicly chastised her husband.  She was speaking out of pain.

I see similarities between Michal and Leah (Genesis 29).  Leah, too, had been used by her father and found herself in a loveless marriage, having to share her husband.  Leah also felt that ache, that betrayal, and that loneliness.  But here's the big difference - in the midst of her pain, Leah turned to God, not against Him.  Remember Leah's son Judah (Genesis 29:35)?  Leah said, "This time I will praise the Lord."  Her circumstance hadn't changed, but her heart had.  Lacking Jacob's affection, Leah found refuge in God's love.  Michal, on the other hand, let her broken heart lead to bitterness, both towards David and towards God.  She could not worship with David, because she had pulled away from God.  Instead of turning to Him and allowing Him to dry her tears, she turned her back on Him and ended up more alone than ever.

Maybe you're trapped in a loveless marriage.  It might be for a season; it might be this way for the rest of your life.  But never forget that God is faithful.  God is loving.  God is with you always.  Let Him be your comforter.  Let Him heal your heart.  He can bring joy where there is pain.  Isaiah 54:5 says "For your Maker is your husband— the Lord Almighty is His name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;  He is called the God of all the earth."  He will never leave you nor forsake you.

II Samuel 6:16

As the ark of the Lord was entering the City of David, Michal daughter of Saul watched from a window.  And when she saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord, she despised him in her heart.

I want to start out in defense of Michal.  I believe most commentators don't consider her life story when they criticize her outburst.  When I read Michal's story, I ache for her. 

Part of David's reward for killing Goliath was to be marriage to King Saul's daughter (I Samuel 17:25).  David, however, humbly declined Saul's offer, and the king's older daughter Merab was given to someone else (I Samuel 18:18-19).  Reading on in the chapter, we see that Saul's other daughter, Michal, loved David, and Saul decided to use that in an attempt to have David killed.  David rose to the challenge, exceeded Saul's offer, and married Michal. 

In I Samuel 20, we read how Michal saved David's life.  This is the last the two see of each other for quite some time.  Saul gives Michal, still married to David, to another man, Paltiel (I Samuel 25:44), and David meanwhile amasses several other wives and concubines (II Samuel 3:2-5).

When Saul dies and David becomes king, David demands Michal back.  Michal would cement David's claim to the throne, since she made him Saul's son-in-law (incidentally, David did not need to be Saul's heir, since God Himself chose him to be king - I Samuel 16).  David sends soldiers to get Michal, and Paltiel follows, weeping (II Samuel 3:13-16).

This is the Michal we see in II Samuel 6.   She had been used as a pawn between her father and David, the man she loved, for years.  She is taken from her second husband, who apparently loved her, to be part of a harem.  David, for all his strengths, never focused on strengthening his home.  Even before the Bathsheba incident, David had failed miserably as a husband and as a father.  And so Michal, hurt and bitter, used and neglected, lashes out at David.

(we'll continue with Michal tomorrow)

I Samuel 25:18

Abigail lost no time.  She took two hundred loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five dressed sheep, five seahs of roasted grain, a hunred cakes of raisins and two hundred cakes of pressed figs, and loaded them on donkeys...

Throughout the years that my husband was struggling with pornography, I often wondered just what I was supposed to do - if anything.  Should I say something to him?  To somebody else?  I was told he should have male friends to hold him accountable, and that I was not to take that role.  Did that mean I should sit idly by?  He knew that what he was doing was wrong.  Was it my place to point that out, or would I be nagging?  Should a Christian wife be submissive when her husband is choosing sin?

I think Abigail shows us the answer.  Her husband Nabal was a fool (it says so right in verse 25), and his foolish actions were about to destroy his household (v. 22).  Did Abigail hesitate?  No.  The Scriptures say she "lost no time".  She defied her husband and did what was right.  She took action to correct his error.  She stood in the gap between him and David and pleaded for his life.  David had mercy on Abigail (v. 32) and spared the lives of Nabal and the rest of the household.

As leaders in our home, our husband's foolish choices can destroy our families.  Our actions will vary based on the circumstances.  Abigail, for instance, apparently knew she would get nowhere by talking with Nabal.  For us, talking may be the most effective choice of action.  Perhaps a godly admonishment, spoken in truth and love, will open our husband's eyes to what he is doing and be enough to change his course.  It may take more than that.  Maybe we need to talk with a pastor.  Perhaps we need to urge him to seek out a counselor or support group.  In extreme cases, we may have to take our children someplace safe for a period of time.  But we should not - we cannot - sit quietly while our families are falling apart.

Remember, too, how Abigail pleaded for Nabal.  Intercede for your husband.  Bring him before the throne of grace and beg God to work on his heart.  Lose no time.

I Samuel 19:11-12

Saul sent men to David's house to watch it and to kill him in the morning.  But Michal, David's wife, warned him, "If you don't run for your life tonight, tomorrow you'll be killed."  So Michal let David down through a window, and he fled and escaped.

Saul, Michal's father, had it in for David, so Michal acted quickly to save her husband's life.  Chances are there isn't anybody out to kill your husband, so we might not have a lot of opportunities to save him physically (although since my husband's heart attack a few months ago, I've realized that I need to help him eat right).  More important is what we can do for our husbands spiritually.

We are all engaged in a battle for our souls.  This spiritual battle has consequences that reach much farther than any other struggle we face.  What can we do to help our husbands in this battle? 

Pray the armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18) for your husband.  Ask God regularly - daily even - to fit your husband with the belt of truth, the breastplace of righteousness, and that his feet might be shod with the gospel of peace.  Pray that he might put on the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit.  And pray, too, that he might be a man of prayer.  This is the best way to help protect our husbands from the attacks of the evil one.

I Samuel 12:24

But be sure to fear the Lord and serve Him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things He has done for you.

If only I could get this down, everything else would follow...

I Samuel 2:19

Each year his mother made him a little robe and took it to him when she went up with her husband to offer the annual sacrifice.

There are several things I like about this verse, but for the purposes of this blog, I'll focus on the second half of the sentence.  Hannah regularly went to worship with her husband. 

Worshipping together as a couple is so very important.  I have taught Sunday School and churchtime for years, but I have come to realize that, as important as that is, I also need to make sure there are times when I am sitting by my husband's side, worshipping, praying, and hearing the Word of God with him.  It's a vital part of a healthy, godly marriage.

I Samuel 1:22

Hannah...said to her husband, "After the boy is weaned, I will take him and present him before the Lord, and he will live there always."

My daughters are on mission trips right now.  One is in Nicaragua and the other is in Nepal.  I have thought of Hannah often during these weeks that they've been gone (and the months leading up to this).  Hannah had dedicated her son to God, and willingly made good on her promise.

It couldn't have been easy.  Not only was she surrendering her very young (and only) son, but she was sending him into an atmosphere that wasn't particularly godly (2:12).  Surely people talked, and Hannah probably knew what Eli's sons were doing.  If Eli couldn't raise his own sons to honor God, how could she trust him with Samuel?

But Hannah understood that she wasn't really handing her son over to Eli.  She knew to Whom she was entrusting his care.  In verse 28 she says, "So now I give him to the Lord.  For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord."  She knew that God would watch over Samuel, and have His hand on her son throughout his entire life.

I Samuel 1:10

In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord.

Hannah took her heartache to God.  It is such a privilege that we can come to God as we are.  We can lay everything at His feet, knowing that He is bigger than our pain.  Whether we come to Him in reverent prayer or simply weep without saying a word, He hears us.  His Spirit intercedes with groans that words cannot express (Romans 8:26).  There are no magic words, no rituals to go through - just a sincere heart.  He hears.  He understands.  He answers.

I Samuel 1:8

"Why are you downhearted?  Don't I mean more to you than ten sons?"

I have not experienced the pain of struggling with infertility, but some of those close to me have.  I think sometimes people within the church unconsciously magnify the ache, because we tend to focus so much on children.  Many women's groups are mom-centered and church activities often revolve around families with kids.  And each time the knife twists deeper.

Hannah knew that pain.  In a culture that valued sons, she had none, and she was ridiculed for it.  It's beautiful, though, to see Elkanah's response.  He loved her.  He wanted to be enough for her.  He valued her, not her ability to give him children.

Ruth 2:7

"...[Ruth] went into the field and has worked steadily from morning till now, except for a short rest in the shelter."

Ruth knew her life with Naomi would not be easy, but she settled into it without complaint.  Soon after they arrived in Israel, Ruth offered to work harvesting grain in order to provide for herself and her mother-in-law (v. 2).

She worked diligently, swallowing her pride and probably taking some personal risk (v. 9).  Her only desire was to feed her small family, but others noticed her dedication and she was rewarded for it (v. 7-16).

Ruth 1:16-17

But Ruth replied, "Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you.  Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay.  Your people will be my people and your God my God.  Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried..."

I think it is important to note that in this passage, which is often read at wedding ceremonies, Ruth was not talking to her husband but rather to her mother-in-law, Naomi.  Widowed Naomi was heading back to her homeland and urged Ruth, also widowed, to stay where she was, among her own people, and remarry.

Here, though, we see in Ruth one of the qualities that must have drawn Boaz, her second husband, to her.  Ruth's statement was one of complete self-sacrifice.  She was willing to leave all she knew - her home, her family, her religion, her customs, her friends - to take care of Naomi.  She would now be the foreigner, subject to racial prejudices.  She was willing to face a life of poverty - for she and Naomi had nothing - and uncertainty.  Her life with Naomi would not be easy, for Naomi's life was no longer filled with joy, and she quite possibly was dealing with depression (1:20-21).  Ruth knew she would have to work hard to provide for the two of them, and yet she went willingly and with determination.

How tempting it is to take the easy route.  We love to stay in our comfort zones rather than risk the unknown.  But Ruth sacrificed all that to care for Naomi, not out of obligation (for Naomi had freed her from that, v. 8-9), but out of love.

Judges 16:15-17a

Then [Delilah] said to [Samson], "How can you say, 'I love you,' when you won't confide in me?  This is the third time you have made a fool of me and haven't told me the secret of your great strength."  With such nagging she prodded him day after day until he was tired to death.  So he told her everything.

Delilah and Samson weren't exactly married, but far too many wives have followed her example.  We don't get our way, so we turn to manipulation.

We say "If you really loved me..."
We pout or cry.
We nag.
We compare our husbands to somebody else's.
We withhold (or offer) sex.
We try to win others to our side.

Any of this sound familiar?  Basically what it all boils down to is that we don't respect our husband's decisions nor his position as head of the house.  I think of Ashley Wilkes in Gone With the Wind, when his not-so secret admirer Scarlett is trying to convince him to move to Atlanta. He refuses, so Scarlett turns on the tears.  Ashley's wife, Melanie, hears Scarlett crying and comes to her defense, not her husband's.  Melanie then shames Ashley into agreeing to the move.  Defeated and broken, Ashley sighs, "Alright, Melanie.  We'll move to Atlanta.  I can't fight you both."  The women may have won the fight, but was it really worth winning?

Our husbands need our respect.  There is room in a healthy marriage for discussion and fair consideration of both sides, and differences of opinion should be dealt with openly and honestly.  But cunning manipulation is no way to get what one wants. 

Judges 13:8

Then Manoah prayed to the Lord:  "O Lord, I beg You, let the man of God You sent to us come again to teach us how to bring up the boy who is to be born."

As I write this, my two children are on mission trips far from home - my older daughter is in Nicaragua and my younger one is in Nepal.  I have been through many mixed emotions in the past ten months or so since we first started thinking about these trips, but there is one thing I have been confident about - that God would be with my girls no matter what.

Long before they were born, God had them in their hands.  He knit them together and is familiar with all their ways (Psalm 139).  My husband and I have done what we could, often by trial and error.  But ultimately they are who they are because of Jesus Christ.

How wonderful to know that God does not intend for us to parent our children alone!  There is such a peace in knowing that He answers every prayer we lift up for our children.  His Word is the perfect parenting manual. 

Spend time with your husband daily asking God for wisdom in raising the children He has entrusted to you.

Joshua 24:15

But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living.  But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.

Regardless of what our parents believed, or the environment in which we now live, God gives each one of us this choice. 

Whom are you and your household going to serve?

Joshua 21:45

Not one of all the Lord's good promises to the house of Israel failed; every one was fulfilled.

It's not always easy being a godly wife.  How do we keep a holy home in a fallen world?  Thankfully, we're not in this alone.

Romans 10:9  If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

Matthew 11:28  Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Isaiah 40:29-31  He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.  Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion.  But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.  They will soar high on wings like eagles.  They will run and not grow weary.  They will walk and not faint.

James 1:5  If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

Philippians 4:19  And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

Romans 8:38-39  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

John 16:33  I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart!  I have overcome the world!

Psalm 32:8   I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.

I John 5:14  This is the assurance we have in approaching God; that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.

Isaiah 43:1-2  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

Matthew 28:20  And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.

Joshua 7:24-25

Then Joshua...took Achan...his sons and daughters...and all that he had...Then all Israel stoned him, and after they had stoned the rest, they burned them.

(Not familiar with Achan's story?  Please read the entire chapter.  And while you're at it, go back and read Joshua 6:15-19, too.)

We really don't like the word sin, do we?  We struggle with pride, mess up and tell a lie or two, have a bout of out of control temper, slip and say a bad word, fail at our marriage vows, neglect to show kindness or forgiveness, and overall have occasional lapses in judgment.  But sin?  That's such a harsh word.  And it comes across as so judgmental.

Here's one of the things I learn from Achan's story - whatever we want to call it, sin is a big deal to God.  So Achan took some things that he shouldn't have - did he deserve to be stoned?  Well, God said, "Don't...".  Achan did anyways.  That's sin.  Never forget that God takes sin very seriously.  Never think it doesn't really matter.  It does.  After all, our sin cost God's Son His life.

Another thing Achan's story shows us is that we are not the only ones who bear the consequences of our sin.  Achan's entire family suffered and was destroyed because of it.  The ramifications of sin spread far beyond the offender, and it is often those closest to us who suffer the most. 

If you are dealing with sin, bring it to the light.  Confess it - first to God and then to your spouse and family.  Don't destroy those you love.

The beautiful thing is that, while God is certainly a just God, He is also gracious and merciful.  I John 1:9 says that "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."  What a wonderful promise!  Read Joshua 7:26.  Now read Hosea 2:15.  God doesn't want us to be destroyed.  He wants to give us hope.

Exodus 17:12

...When Moses' hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it.  Aaron and Hur held his hands up - one on one side, one on the other - so that his hands remained steady until sunset...

Allow me to backtrack a little bit...this story has been on my heart today.  I love this story (read it in its entirety!).  What a wonderful reminder, not only of how awesome God is, but of how we need to support our leaders.

In the home this means our husbands need our support.  We can be like Aaron and Hur, standing by his side and not letting him falter.  We need to pray for our husbands, encourage them (both privately and publicly), lend our strength when they feel tired and weak.  God intended us to go through life's highs and lows together.  Be your husband's Aaron and Hur.

Leviticus 19:2

"Be holy, because I, the Lord your God, am holy."

I'm not going to keep going verse by verse through the books of the Law (although I'd encourage everyone to do so at some point).  The laws God gave the Israelites served many purposes - health, hygiene, justice, worship - but ultimately they can be summed up with this verse.  Holiness.

To be holy means to be set apart.  God doesn't want His people to look and act like the rest of the world.  He wants us to be set apart for His purposes.  We are to be in the world, not of it.

What does holiness look like within the context of marriage?  Well, television can show us what it should not be.  Sitcoms show husbands as helpless buffoons, with smart-mouthed wives actually running the show.  Dramas show infidelity as a common occurance.  And "reality" TV thrives on conflict.  Is this what we want our marriages to be?  It's certainly not what God wants.

Holiness in the home can include, among other things
- prayer and Bible study, individually, as a couple, and as a family
- forgiveness (which means we don't bring up, for the next twenty years, "Remember the time you...")
- not speaking negatively about your husband or marriage to other people
- genuine thankfulness and appreciation
- a servant's attitude (marriage isn't 50/50 - it's doing more than your share because you love your spouse)
- respect, both inside and outside the home
- the fruit of the spirit:  love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control

This is what I want my home to look like.  I don't want the world's version of marriage.  I want a home that reflects God and His Word.

Exodus 20:17

You shall not covet your neighbor's house...

Look around us.  God has blessed us immeasurably.  He has given us Jesus, and grace that we never could have earned.  If that was all He did, we'd be set for eternity.  And yet He's given us so much more.  So why do we (and yes, I'm including myself in here) look at others and sigh?  She's got such a nice car/furniture/wardrobe.  She takes a cruise every year.  She juggles work and family like it's no problem at all.  Her children are always so well-behaved.  Her husband is so attentive...and the list goes on.

The Bible tells us to be content.  Instead of coveting what others have, look at what we have and be grateful.  Not only is coveting a sin, but it can cause problems in our marriage.  I once came back from visiting a friend and commented, "She has a beautiful house."  My husband took offense, assuming I was dissatisfied with what he was able to provide.  Our husbands take our wishful thinking personally.  Tell God - and your husband - often how thankful you are for what they provide.

Exodus 20:16

You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.

Oh, how we love to make ourselves look good.  And we women tend to do it by tearing others down.  We spread rumors without bothering to check the facts.

Choose your words carefully.  Is it true?  And even if it is, does it need to be said?  Let's honor God - and our husbands - with thoughtful speech.

Exodus 20:15

You shall not steal.

I've been thinking a lot about this Commandment the past few days.  Most of us probably wouldn't go into a store or a bank and steal something outright.  But what about the little things we do that "don't really count", kind of like little white lies?

Do we ever neglect to let a store know when we've been undercharged, or given too much change?  Do we fail to feed the parking meter because we'll only be there for a few minutes, and most likely won't be caught?  Do we take credit for something that really should be due to somebody else?  What about time?  When we are late and make other people wait, we're taking their time - something that cannot be replaced. 

Integrity is a vital thing.  We need to be honest and upright in everything we do.

Exodus 20:14

You shall not commit adultery.

Why is this so important to God?  Ephesians 5 says marriage is a symbol of Christ and the Church.  In being faithful to our husbands, we are modeling faithfulness to God.

Exodus 20:13

You shall not murder.

Pretty straightforward, isn't it?  One of the easiest commandments to keep.  But in Matthew 5:21-22, Jesus goes so far as to equate anger and hatred with murder.  Ouch - that's hitting a little closer to home. 

This is why love is so important.  Our homes should be filled with love.  "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."  (I Peter 4:8)

Exodus 20:12

Honor your father and your mother...

This is not a command that becomes invalid once we move out of the house.  Our parents will always be our parents, and as adults we are to show them honor.  Once we are married this includes in-laws as well.

This can take many shapes and forms, but what it comes down to is respecting them, recognizing their roles, valuing their wisdom, and showing them love.  In some families this may not be easy.  Some parents do little to earn that respect.  But we are to still honor their position as our parents.  Choose your words carefully when talking with them, or when talking to others about them.  Perhaps the parents have reached the stage when much is demanded of you by way of taking care of them.  This can be exhausting.  But remember that one day you and your husband could be in that position.  When you lovingly care for a parent or in-law who can no longer take care of themselves, you are living God's love.  Showing honor to a parent, especially when it is difficult, is a beautiful testimony to others. 

Exodus 20:8

Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy...

What do Sundays look like at your house?  If they're anything like mine, they start with chaos - waking everybody up, ironing clothes, yelling at the child who's not up yet, running around trying to find shoes that match, threatening the child who's still not up...And after church, a rush to make the lunch that I had spent part of the sermon time trying to decide on, followed by laundry, errands, nagging the kids to do homework, and whatever else needs to get done before Monday gets here.

We often say there's just not enough time.  Truth is, there is.  We're all given the same amount of time.  How we use it is the issue.  Wouldn't it be nice to have a day once in awhile to just sit and enjoy our families?  To play games, go for a walk, take a nap (seriously - Sunday afternoon naps are the best!), read a book?  We all wish for days like that.  God gives them to us, and not just once in awhile.  Once a week!

How much more pleasant would our homes and families be if we spent a little extra effort on Saturday finishing up those tasks?  If we set out our clothes for Sunday morning and made Sunday dinner so that all we'd have to do is pop it in the microwave and then sit down at the already set table?  If we used paper plates so we wouldn't even have to do dishes?  A day every week to relax, reflect, and spend some extra time with God? 

Some people say that the idea of a Sabbath is an Old Testament thing.  Do we say that about the other nine Commandments?  This is not a suggestion that God made - it's a command.  And just as we might tell a toddler that they have to take a nap because we know it's good for them, God knew this would be good for us. 

Plan ahead a bit (it's not that hard once you get into the habit of it) and start honoring the Sabbath.  It truly is a blessing.

Exodus 20:7

You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God...

It's sad that the use of God's name as a curse word has become so prevalent in our society.  Even children's TV shows use it frequently.  It's gotten so that nobody even blinks an eye when they hear it.

God's name is to be honored.  His name is holy.  His name is above all else.  It should never be reduced to trendy textspeak.

I believe there is another meaning here, too.  I think this commandment also means that we are not to misrepresent God.  When we claim to be Christians yet live lives of hypocrisy, we are misusing the name of the Lord our God.  Jesus was harshest on those who claimed to be God's people and yet did not walk in His ways.  If you are a child of God, make sure your words and your actions reflect that, both in your home and outside of it.