Ecclesiastes 5:2

Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. 
God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.

This is not addressed specifically to wives, but I think it's a good thing to remember.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:  If one falls down, his friend can help him up.  But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!  Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.  But how can one keep warm alone?  Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

It's such a blessing that we don't have to walk this road alone.  The article from yesterday addressed dealing with our husbands' sins.  These verses affirm what the article said - if one falls, the other can pick him up.  We are not to shame our husbands when they fall.  It is our duty, our privilege, to help him back up.  We can admonish and encourage him, help him find the help he needs. 

We are to stand by his side when Satan attacks - though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  We should never leave our husbands to face these battles alone.  Cover them with prayer!  Remind him of God's promises.  Stand with him in the fight.

And never, ever forget that third strand - God is our Help and our Shield.  He goes into battle with us and before us.  Lean on Him.

Well Worth Reading

For those of you whose husbands struggle with pornography, or who have friends whose husbands struggle, this is a wonderful resource -

http://lysaterkeurst.com/2012/10/what-women-want-to-know-about-pornography/

Proverbs 31:30

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

So very contrary to what the world is constantly telling us, but so, so very important.

Proverbs 31:27

She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

I have to admit, I'd love to see the Proverbs 31 woman behind the scenes.  This verse, this passage, all makes it look like she makes everything run so smoothly.  No crying toddler clinging to her leg.  No worrying about stretching out the paycheck.  No disagreements with her husband.  No pile of clothes that need to be ironed.  No trying to figure out how to get two children to activities on the opposite end of town at the same time.  And I have to wonder, is this real?  It's a wonderful standard to aspire to, but is it really possible?

All I know is that in our weakness, God is strong.  He promises strength for the weary and rest for those who are heavy laden.  When it's all too much, we can lean on Him and He will carry us through.

Proverbs 31:26

She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

James 3 talks about the power of the tongue - The tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts.  Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.  The tongue is also a fire...It corrupts the whole person...  How quickly our words can cause damage!  Gossip, pettiness, prejudice, insults, lies...the list goes on.  These words have no place coming out of the mouth of a godly woman. 

I confess this is probably my greatest area of sin.  It is so easy to let unkind words slip out.  I'm getting better, but I have a long way to go.  I try to ask myself "Does this really need to be said?" before I say anything - but sometimes my mouth moves faster than my brain.  The key is the heart.  If the sinful thoughts are not there, they won't slip out of my mouth.  My prayer is Psalm 19:14 -

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in Your sight, O Lord my Rock and my Redeemer.

Proverbs 31:25b

...she can laugh at the days to come.

The first thing that comes to my mind here is laughter - a sense of humor is so important in a marriage!  But I think what this is referring to is not fearing the future.  The Proverbs 31 Wife is not afraid of what lies ahead - partially, I believe, because she plans ahead and is prepared.  But more importantly because she knows Who holds the future in His hands.  Tomorrow holds no guarantees, no matter how much we do to prepare for it.  However, we have no need to worry, because God is in control.  A strong faith in God, a confidence in His promises, and a good foundation in His Word can help us weather any storm that may come our way.

Proverbs 31:25a

She is clothed with strength and dignity...

When I think of my maternal grandmother, that's how I think of her - clothed with strength and dignity.  For many years I've said she's who I want to be when I grow up.  But I feel like I have so far to go.  I've heard that she wasn't always that way.  She started out with a long way to go, too.  Maybe there's hope for me...

Proverbs 31:24

She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.

I'm not going to start a SAHM vs. working mom debate, but what we see here is a woman who is doing what she needs to do for her family.  She is using the gifts and talents that she has and, along with helping others (v. 20), she also wisely helps to provide for her family. 

The needs of each family are different and I think it's sad that so many are quick to criticize those who don't do things the same way they do.

Proverbs 31:23

Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

They say a good man usually has a good woman behind him.  Part of my role as a wife is to encourage my husband to be the best he can be.  Support him as he tries to walk with integrity.  Know what his strengths are, praise them, and give him opportunities to use them.

We need Christian men in leadership positions in the church, in our businesses, and in our communities.  We ought to help our husbands find the roles that best suit their talents, interests, and passions.

Proverbs 31:21-22

When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.  She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

She plans ahead and is prepared for each season.  Day and night her family is provided for.  She takes pride in her appearance.  I've sometimes wondered about the stereotypical '50s housewife, vacuuming in heels and pearls.  I've thought about trying that for a day (although as yet I haven't done it).  I'm guessing that if I dressed with more care, even when expecting to spend the day cleaning house, I would also take more pride in the appearance of the house.  When I wear a sweatshirt and jeans, that's the standard I'm setting for myself.  Clothes should not be a source of pride, but I do think they have an effect on one's attitude.

Proverbs 31:19-20

In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.  She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.

(Since a distaff isn't something I frequently use, I had to look up what it is.  Like a spindle, it's something used for spinning wool.) 

The first verse made me think of Dorcas, in Acts 9, who made clothing for the poor, and so I thought it fit well with the verse that follows it.  The Proverbs 31 woman is charitable.  She shares generously with those who are in need.  I think, though, that the choice of wording is important.  "She opens her arms" and "extends her hands".  This isn't long-distance giving, like sending a check to a far-off organization (although that is a good thing to do).  This is more personal.  She welcomes the needy.  It sounds like a face-to-face kind of thing.  She not only helps meet their physical needs, but she takes the time to get to know them.  She treats them like she would treat a friend or family member.  Maybe it's working at a soup kitchen.  Maybe it's helping the family down the street who has fallen on hard times.  But she ministers personally to their needs and in doing so, shows them the love of Christ.

Proverbs 31:17-18

She sets out about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.  She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.

One of my greatest struggles is laziness.  I don't call it that though.  I refer to it with much more honorable titles.  "I'm spending time with my girls" (sitting on the couch watching TV).  "Reading this book is expanding my mind" (while dirty dishes clutter the counter).  Facebook is a "prayer tool" (it is, but I waste more time on the computer than I actually spend praying for my Facebook friends).

These things, in and of themselves, are not all bad.  But when there is work to be done and I'm selfishly wasting time, something needs to change.  The Proverbs 31 woman works "vigorously" and late into the night.  She is hard-working and anything but lazy.

Parenthetical Post

In which I take a brief detour from Proverbs

I was watching The Bridges of Madison County this weekend (yeah, I know...).  For those who don't know the story, bored housewife Meryl Streep has a brief affair with traveling photographer Clint Eastwood while her husband and kids are out of town.

While I don't like that this movie condones extra-marital affairs, I could understand its appeal.  Streep's character feels unappreciated and stuck in a rut.  Along comes Eastwood, full of words of admiration.  She says she's stuck in the middle of nowhere, he says, "This isn't nowhere - it's your home."  He asks her about her life and her dreams.  He listens to her and doesn't belittle her.  What woman wouldn't swoon at that?

I thought about telling my husband this, about how wonderful Clint Eastwood was and that if husbands would treat their wives the way he treats Meryl Streep, wives wouldn't be searching for something more.

And then I realized that there are two sides to this.  If wives would take the time to listen to their husbands, men wouldn't be searching for something more. 

My marriage is wonderful, but there are times I feel like we're stuck in a rut.  When "date night" ends up being McDonalds and going to sleep early.  When we're home without the kids and don't spend any of that time talking like we used to - not because we don't need to say anything, but because we don't know what to say. 

I'm not responsible for my husband's role in this, but I am responsible for mine.  I can listen.  I can ask him about his dreams and encourage him to keep dreaming, and to reach for those goals.  I can tell him, again and again, how much I admire, appreciate, and respect him.  I can make a bit more effort to make our home, and our bedroom, inviting.  I can think of new things to do and new places to go, even if it's just a walk down a path we haven't explored before.  We can learn new things together - take a class or get a how-to book from the library.  We can cook together or change the tire together or any number of things...together.

When we fell in love, we wanted to do everything together.  I cheered him on, wrote love notes, believed that everything he did was wonderful and exciting.  I can still do that today.  There's no reason a twenty-year-old marriage can't be full of passion.

Proverbs 31:16

She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

She invests her money wisely, not impulsively.  Very important to remember in a culture where overspending and credit card debt is rampant.

Proverbs 31:15

She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.

I'm typically up early to do a little of my work around the apartment building and then get my daughter up and off to school.  But today was a rarity - I also got dinner going in the crock pot and cleaned up the kitchen.  If I was more organized I think I would do that more often.  It feels good to have all that taken care of by 9:00. Getting work done first thing in the morning leaves the rest of the day free for other things.  I guess that's my goal then - to be organized enough to do that. 

One interesting thing to point out in this verse - we think the Proverbs 31 wife was Superwoman.  She sets an impossibly high standard.  But here we see she had servants.  How fair is that?

I think the lesson here is that we don't have to do it all. It's okay to delegate.  Share some tasks with your husband.  Assign chores to your kids.  Accept help when it's offered.  Work together with other women, perhaps in some sort of co-op. 

Work diligently.  Stretch yourself.  Set high goals for yourself.  But realize that it's okay to say no once in awhile.  You don't have to overdo.  The floor can be vacuumed tomorrow if your child wants you to play hopscotch today.  The dishes can wait in the sink while your husband tells you about his day.  Use your time wisely.

Proverbs 31:13-14

She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.  She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.

We don't do a whole lot with wool and flax at our house, but I will admit that there are times when I'm coming home from the grocery store that I feel like a merchant ship bringing food from afar.

The Proverbs 31 woman is a wife who works hard to supply food and clothes for her family.  She is prudent and practical in her selections, being careful not to waste resources.  I find it interesting that the passage says "eager hands".  I'm not sure that my work can always be characterized as eager.  Eager to get done, maybe.  But I think she finds joy in serving her family.  She wants to be industrious and to see the fruits of her labor.

Proverbs 31:12

She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

No deep thoughts here...the verse just makes me think.

Proverbs 31:11

Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.

The Message says "Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it."

I want to be a woman worthy of my husband's confidence.  A husband should not only be able to trust in his wife's fidelity, but also to be able to depend on her - in how she manages the home, in how she uses their money, in her integrity.  He should also be assured that his wife will be there to support and encourage him.  He should be able to rely on her to point him to God when he's overwhelmed with the problems of the world.  He should know that his wife is praying faithfully for him.  That's the kind of wife I want to be.