Proverbs 31:10

A wife of noble character who can find?  She is worth far more than rubies.

When I think of being a wife of noble character, I think of Colossians 3 -

Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, with binds them all together in perfect unity.  Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts...And be thankful.  Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.  And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

My two grandmothers were very different in interests and personalities, but both embodied these verses. They sought God daily and strived to live their lives for Him only. Their homes were filled with His love and reminders of His goodness. They set beautiful examples of how to be a Proverbs 31 woman. They were, indeed, worth far more than rubies.

Proverbs

A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping. (19:13)
Better to live on the corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. (21:9 and 25:24)
Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.  (21:19)
A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.  (27:15-16)

Apparently Solomon didn't have a lot of patience for quarrelsome wives.  Our husbands shouldn't have to, either. 

The thing about being quarrelsome is that it is a choice.  You may not always agree with your husband, but how you choose to present your differing opinion can make all the difference in how peaceful your home is. 

Choose your battles.  Is it worth arguing about dirty socks on the floor?  How much time, really, does it take to pick them up for him?  If you truly feel it is something worth confronting him about, pick the setting carefully.  Don't air grievances in front of others.  Don't bring up the issue when you're angry or tired.  Don't pounce soon as he comes home from work. 

Choose your words.  "Honey, I was wondering if you would mind..." goes much further than "How many times do I have to tell you..." Don't attack him.  Aggression breeds aggression.  When a person is backed into a corner, he tends to come out fighting.  Remember that you are partners - you're there to support each other.

Choose not to nag.  Don't be a dripping faucet.  Nagging will not remove the socks from the floor, and it only leads to resentment.

Choose to stick to the issue at hand.  I think women, more so than men, tend to bring up past hurts, even when they have nothing to do with the present situation.  I remember a "discussion" with my husband in which I started to bring up something unrelated that he had done in the past.  I realized it would only serve to escalate the situation, but my mouth was about to move faster than my brain.  I quickly put my hand over my mouth and kept it there until I talked myself out of using the hurtful words.  If that's what is needed to keep the conversation civil, do it.  If you need to walk out of the room and finish the conversation later, do it.  Count to ten.  Think before you speak.  Ask God for wisdom.  One of my favorite prayers is "God, keep Your arm around my shoulders and Your hand over my mouth."

Proverbs 19:14

Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.

The Living Bible uses the word "sensible".  The Amplified Bible says "wise, understanding, and prudent".  We are to show wisdom, discernment, common sense, and integrity in our roles as godly wives.  My mother often told us "Think, then do".  This applies just as much to adults as to children.  Do not be foolhardy and act rashly.  We should be prudent in how we treat others, in how we manage our budgets, in the care and keeping of our homes.  Our words should be chosen carefully and we should remember that our actions speak louder than our words. 

Proverbs 18:22

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.

For a change of perspective, I asked my husband about this verse.  What, in a man's mind, is good about finding a wife?  "Besides sex?" he asked.  Well, I had already figured on that.  Here's his response:

Companionship.  A deep friendship.  Having somebody who is always there for you, supporting you.  A helper, standing in battle with you.  Intimacy - intimately knowing someone and having them know you.  Having a better understanding of Christ and the Church.

Proverbs 14:1

A wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.

I can't help thinking of Jesus' parable in Matthew 7 - Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.  The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock...A home built on a solid foundation will weather heavy storms.  Our homes should be built on the foundation of God's Word. 

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.

When darkness seems to hide His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

(Edward Mote)

Proverbs 12:4

A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.

My prayer is that daily I will be pursuing noble character, and not bring disgrace to my husband or my home - or, most of all, my God.

Proverbs 5:18-19

...May you rejoice in the wife of your youth...may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.

Sex is an important part of marriage, a beautiful gift from God.  It serves the purpose of procreation, but, as these verses state, it is also intended for pleasure.  Sexual intimacy helps bring a couple closer together, sharing moments alone together.  It is a personal, private expression of love.

These verses (and going back to v. 15) show that marriage should be monogamous, that you should continue to find joy in one another throughout the years, that sex should be pleasurable and satisfying, and that your husband should be "ever captivated by [your] love."

Psalms

I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth.  Psalm 34:1, KJV

When my daughter was going through her terrible twos, I found I had two ways in which I could respond.  I could throw a tantrum right along with her, or I could sing hymns and songs of praise.  While I may have felt like doing the former, I chose the latter, and she would kick and scream to the off-key sounds of "Awesome God" or "Great is Thy Faithfulness".  It may not have stopped the tantrum (in fact, it would sometimes give her more to scream about - "Stop singing!!!"), but it helped me to keep perspective.  I also realized that my mom sang a lot when we kids were growing up.  Hmm...

The Psalms are there to help us keep perspective.  They remind us, again and again, of the greatness of God.  They assure us that He is our Shepherd, our Rock, our Fortress, our Help, and our Shield.  He is rich in love and goodness.  He is faithful and just.  He is our Provider, our Deliverer, and our Strength.  His mercies endure forever.  He counts our tears.  He forgives us.  He heals us.  His ears are open to our cries.  He alone is worthy of our praise, now and forevermore.

Job 2:9

[Job's] wife said to him, "Are you still holding on to your integrity?  Curse God and die!"

Before we go into what's obviously wrong with Job's wife's outburst, I think we need to look at where she is coming from.  This poor woman has not only lost all of her possessions and financial security, but every single one of her children has died.  I cannot fathom losing even one of my daughters.  If I were Job's wife, I would curl up into a ball and sob until I had no tears left.  I most likely would find myself questioning where God was when the house the children were in collapsed.  I would ask Him why He didn't stop it.  I would ache and lash out and feel completely and utterly empty.  I cannot imagine her pain.  And I do think that sometimes in the midst of trials like this, instead of drawing strength from our husbands we rail against them.  "How on earth can you be holding it together?  Don't you care?  Why aren't you falling to pieces like I am?"  She must have felt incredibly alone.

But Job, in the midst of his grief, turned to God.  I'm reminded of something Mary Beth Chapman said after the terrible car accident that took her young daughter, "I was in a freefall, and all I knew for sure was that at some point I was going to land in the hands of God." (it may be slightly paraphrased)  Job could not see God's hands, but he had to hold on to what he knew - that God is God, and we are not.  He tells his wife, "You are talking like a foolish woman.  Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" (v. 10)

When tragedy strikes, don't blame God.  Lean on Him.  Trust in Him.  And let your pain draw you closer to your husband, not further away.  You are his helpmate, his co-warrior, his ezer.

Esther 5:3

Then the king asked, "What is it, Queen Esther?  What is your request?  Even up to half the kingdom, it will be given you."

While we most likely will never be in a situation like Esther's, there may be times when we need to confromt our husbands on something - whether it's an unwise choice he's making or perhaps an ongoing sin in his life.  We can follow Esther's example on how to best do this.  Here are some things I noticed that Esther did.

1) She gave the matter careful consideration (4:11).  Esther did not speak first and think later.  She considered her options and weighed the pros and cons.

2) She listened to wise counsel (4:13-14).  Mordecai advised Esther on what she should do.  Remember that it is never prudent to share personal matters with everybody.  However, it is often wise to seek out one or two trusted, mature Christian friends for advice.

3) She fasted and prayed, and asked others to do so as well (4:16).  As we discussed yesterday, God has blessed us with other believers who can join us in prayer.  Again, be prudent about whom you are sharing things with, and remember that not all details need to be divulged when asking for prayer support.

4) She determined to do what was right, regardless of personal cost (4:17).  James 1:5 assures us that God will grant you wisdom if you ask.  He will show you the path to take.

5) She waited for the right time and place (5:8)*

6) She treated her husband with respect (7:3).  Regardless of your husband's actions and attitudes, he is your husband and should always have your respect.

7) She spoke with humility (7:4).  Esther did not accuse.  She did not make herself out to be better than her husband.  And she did not ask for more than was reasonable or necessary.

8) She persisted (8:3).  Esther knew she was right and did not back down.  She also did not nag, yell, or accuse.

9) She spoke with wisdom (8:5).  Esther not only addressed the problem; she proposed a soluton. 

10) She showed concern for others (8:6).  Esther did not focus on herself.  Her concern was for how her husband's actions would affect other people.

11) She followed through (9:29-32).  Esther did not leave her husband to fix the problem on his own.  She saw it through to the end.

*My husband would like me to add that Esther knew that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach (5:4).  Making his favorite dinner or dessert is always a good idea :) 

Esther 4:15-16

Then Esther sent this reply to Mordecai:  "Go, gather all the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me.  Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day.  I and my maids will fast as you do.  When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law.  And if I perish, I perish."

As we read yesterday, Esther was called upon to do something hard and incredibly risky.  Her response was to go.  But notice what she did first - she fasted, and she called on others to fast (and presumably pray) with her.

You do not have to face challenges alone.  God is by our side, always.  But He has also given us the fellowship of other believers.  We have brothers and sisters in Christ who can also walk the road with us, people who will fast, pray, counsel, encourage.  Call on these people to hold you up in prayer, and remember to hold them up when they are the ones doing hard things.

Esther 4:13-14

[Mordecai] sent back this answer:  "Do not think that becaue you are in the king's house you alone of all the Jews will escape.  For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish.  And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"

I love Mordecai.  He was so wise and well-spoken.  Mordecai's cousin, Queen Esther, has to confront her husband regarding a law that will result in the annihilation of all the Jews in Persia.  However, in going to the king, Esther will be putting her own life at great risk.  And so Mordecai delivers this pep talk.

Although our situations may be different, God still calls us to do hard things.  Perhaps He's calling you to adopt a child, or to take an aging parent or grandparent into your home.  Maybe He's asking you to give financially beyond what your budget allows.  It could be He wants you to head up the PTA, or to attend church alone because your husband refuses to go.  He might be leading you away from present comforts to a place on the mission field.  Maybe He wants you to go and welcome the new neighbor.  Or maybe He wants you to befriend that neighbor, the one with the wild children and the lawn that hasn't been mowed since May.

Whatever it is, God wants to stretch you.  He wants to pull you out of your comfort zone and shape you in the image of Christ.  Will it be easy?  No.  Will the path be free of obstacles?  Probably not.  Will God go with you?  Every step of the way.

II Kings 8:18

[King Jehoram] walked in the ways of the kings of Israel, as the house of Ahab had done, for he married a daughter of Ahab.  He did evil in the eyes of the Lord.

We all have a story.  We all have things in our past that shape who we are today.  For some, the past is mostly good.  For others, it is painful.  Divorce, abuse, neglect...the scars run deep and have a lasting impact.

The good news is that we are not defined by our past.  The mistakes of yesterday - whether they are our own or someone else's - do not have to become the failures of today.  God's grace is greater than our pain.  His strength is made perfect in our weakness (II Corinthians 12:9).

We do not have to repeat the sins of our fathers.  Through Christ, we can begin again.  He makes all things new (Revelation 21:5)!  If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation!  The old is gone, the new has come (II Corinthians 5:17).

II Kings 8:5

Just as Gehazi was telling the king how Elisha had restored the dead to life, the woman whose son Elisha had brought back to life came to beg the king for her house and land...

Seven years earlier, Elisha had warned the Shunamite woman about an upcoming famine, and urged her to move someplace else.  Now the woman has come back to Israel and is asking for the return of her home.

The passage does not mention her husband.  It is possible that the man has died, but either way, this woman has always been very involved in the affairs of her household.  Here we have her humbling herself - and telling of God's goodness - as she begs for her land.

As wives we have an important role in the business affairs of our household.  Perhaps you work outside the home.  Maybe you're the one who pays the bills and manages the checkbook.  You might be the one who does all the shopping.  Whatever our specific role may be, we are to care for our home with wisdom.  We are to seek God's counsel daily, and be obedient to Him as we do our part tending to our family's finances.  Put God first.  Be good stewards of what He has given you.  Be honest in your transactions.  And tell of His goodness and provision.

II Kings 5:3

[The servant girl] said to her mistress, "If only  my master would see the prophet who is in Samaria!  He would cure him of his leprosy."

Naaman, captain of the Aramite army, has leprosy.  A servant girl tells his wife about Elisha, and she in turn tells her husband.

What I admire about Naaman's wife is that she heeds the wisdom of others.  And in this case, the "other" is a young girl.  Most people would disregard the words of a child, especially in so serious a matter.  But Naaman's wife shows discernment and wisdom in following the advice of her servant and, we read later in the chapter, Naaman is healed.

II Kings 4:9-10

She said to her husband, "I know that this man who often comes our way is a holy man of God.  Let's make a small room on the roof and put in it a bed and a table, a chair and a lamp for him.  Then he can stay there whenever he comes to us."

What strikes me in this story is the woman's partnership with her husband.  They work together to prepare a room for Elisha.  They care for their son together.  When she turns to him and asks about going to call Elisha, her husband encourages her to go as soon as possible.

This is what marriage should be.  While this is clearly the Shunamite woman's story, her husband is very much a part of it.  They consult each other, they work together, they encourage one another.  They are a team, as God intended them to be.  It's beautiful.

II Kings 4:5

...She left him and afterward shut the door behind her and her sons.  They brought the jars to her and she kept pouring...

The first thing I see in these seven verses is God's miraculous provision.  Philippians 4:19 tells us that God will meet our every need.  He is faithful and will do what He has promised - in His way, in His time.

The second thing I noticed was what the widow did.  She trusted God and then acted on that faith.  She didn't just sit back and wait - she was obedient to what God told her to do.  Time and again in Scripture we see people who trusted God to fulfill His word and stepped forward in faith.  Jochebed trusted God and placed Moses in the basket (Exodus 2).  Ruth trusted God and left her homeland to care for her mother-in-law (Ruth 1).  Abigail trusted God and provided food for David's men (I Samuel 25). 

James 2:17 tells us that faith without works is dead.  This does not mean that we earn our salvation.  It means that trusting God isn't just something we say - it's something we do.

I Kings 21:4-7

So Ahab went home, sullen and angry because Naboth the Jezreelite had said, "I will not give you the inheritance of my fathers" ...  Jezebel his wife said, "Is this how you act as king over Israel?  Ge up and eat!  Cheer up.  I'll get you the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite."

Oh my.  First of all, here's hoping that none of us have to deal with a husband who pouts like a spoiled child when he doesn't get what he wants.  Ahab's behavior was far from stellar.

But let's take a look at Jezebel.  While we might not have to deal with childlike tantrums from our husbands, we probably have seen moments of discontent or discouragement.  Should we, in that moment, feed the pity party?  Should we do anything, at any cost, to give someone what he wants?  Our response to our husbands' low feelings have a huge effect on his self-esteem, as well as on the well-being of our families.

I believe the secret lies in thankfulness.  Rather than saying, "You're right.  You deserve the [new car, promotion, awesome vacation...] and come heck or high water I'll make sure you get it,"  we can turn the focus on what we do have.  "Yes, you have worked hard to earn that raise, and I appreciate all you've done.  But I am so thankful that God has blessed you with a job.  You're great at what you do and you are a really good provider."  "Yes, the Smith family has a beautiful new house.  But ours is just what we need and I'm thankful for it."  Don't feed the discontent.  Turn it into an opportunity to count your blessings.