I Kings 17:10

So [Elijah] went to Zarephath.  When he came to the town gate, a widow was there gathering sticks.  He called to her and asked, "Would you bring me a little water in a jar so I may have a drink?"

I have to admit, hospitality is not my strong suit.  I am not a good cook and I'd rather do just about anything than clean.  I try to keep a box of brownie mix handy in case one of my children announces that they're bringing friends over, and then the poor kids feast on average-tasting brownies and microwave popcorn.  Other than my sister - who just helps herself to the meager findings in my kitchen - I haven't had a grown-up over for a visit in months (I'd say years, but we had some family stay with us when my older daughter graduated in June).

I like to brush this all aside with a "hospitality is NOT my spiritual gift".  I'll teach Sunday School.  I'll go to prayer meetings.  I'll write a blog.  But ask me to bring food to the potluck dinner and you'll probably get a "veggie tray" consisting of baby carrots and a plastic container of dip.  I Peter 4:10 says, " Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms."  But then I go back a verse, to the one that reads "Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling."  It's not really a suggestion; I think it's more of a command. 

So what does this mean to people like me, who has no idea what a white sauce is and doesn't own a functioning vacuum cleaner (I borrow one every couple of weeks)?  I think the widow shows us.  She didn't have much, but she gave what she had to Elijah.  My cupboards might not be as empty as hers, but my homemaking skills are pretty sparse.  Still, I can give what I have.  I can share the best of what I have with others and trust God to take care of the rest.

I Kings 11:4

As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God, as the heart of David his father had been.

This verse makes me so sad.  Women, one of our primary duties in marriage is to encourage our husbands in their walks with the Lord.  We should support them and pray for them.  Encourage his involvement in church.  Seek out friendships with couples who will help you grow in your faith.  Share with one another the things you read in Scripture, the answers to prayer that you see, and things you want the other to pray for.  Support decisions that are in line with God's will. 

God did not intend for us to have to travel this road alone, and we are to draw our husbands closer to Him, not drive them farther away.

II Samuel 11:4

Then David sent messengers to get her.  She came to him, and he slept with her.

I may be wrong, but I don't believe David was the only one at fault here.  Sure, he was the king, but I think had Bathsheba said no, that would have been the end of it.  It says here, "She came to him", not "He took her".  And when God punishes the sin, both David and Bathsheba suffer (II Samuel 12:13).  I believe Bathsheba was equally guilty in their transgression.

Why did Bathsheba do it?  Probably because she was lonely.  She was an army wife, one whose husband was so loyal to those with whom he served that he put them ahead of his own wife (II Samuel 11:11). 

Perhaps you know Bathsheba's loneliness.  Maybe you're married to a military man who is gone for long stretches of time.  Maybe your husband doesn't travel, but he works long hours at the office.  Perhaps he spends weekends on the golf course or in a fishing boat.  Or maybe it's ministry.  He may be serving in a position that requires him to be on call twenty-four hours a day.  Whatever the reason, too often you go to bed alone. 

If this is your story, I caution you to remember he is still your husband.  While it may be helpful to seek out friendships to help fill the void, do not seek other men to help counter the loneliness.  What starts as an innocent friendship can all too quickly lead to trouble.  Remember what the writer of Hebrews said, "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure." (13:4a)  Honor your God by honoring your vows.

II Samuel 11:2

One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace.  From the roof he saw a woman bathing.  The woman was very beautiful...

Did Bathsheba know the king could see her from the balcony?  We don't know.  But it was not uncommon for people to be on their rooftops, especially in the evenings when trying to escape the heat of the day.  The important thing that Bathsheba neglected here was modesty.  She could have bathed elsewhere.  She could have put up a curtain.  She could have bathed at a different time.

Men are visually stimulated.  This wasn't intended to be a bad thing.  It's good when a man looks at his wife and thinks, "Yeah, baby!"  But it also can be a big problem area where other women are concerned.  I don't think we women really understand how difficult the temptation can be.  Are the men ultimately responsible for where their eyes and thoughts wander?  Absolutely.  But I Corinthians 8:9 says "Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak."

I can't believe the things some moms wear when they accompany their young children to the wading pool.  As my teenage daughters say, "Modesty is hottesty".  Remember when you instruct your young daughters in their dress that the same rules apply for all of us.  That ring on your finger does not mean men won't notice your cleavage.  We have a responsibility to dress and behave with modesty and propriety (I Timothy 2:9).

Quote from Safely Home

I am currently reading the book Safely Home, by Randy Alcorn.  In it, a Chinese woman explains, in broken English, what marriage is all about.

"Wife and husband must be more than lovers.  Must be comrades, soldiers fighting side by side for the same great cause...Wife and husband should not only lie down face-to-face, but stand up shoulder to shoulder.  They must face together the worst [Satan] can do to them.  And when they draw on the strength of Yesu, He bind them together."

II Samuel 6:20

When David returned home...Michal...came out to meet him and said, "How the king of Israel has distinguished himself today, disrobing in the sight of the slave girls of his servants as any vulgar fellow would!"

One last lesson from Michal - offended, bitter, and angry, Michal publicly chastises David.  The Bible says she "came out to meet him".  She didn't wait to confront him in the privacy of their home, nor did she pause and cool off a bit.  Michal didn't care who heard her - she had a beef with her husband and she let everybody know it.

There may be times when we do need to admonish our husbands.  But notice the difference between the word admonish ("to caution, advise, or counsel against something") and chastise ("to criticize severely").  Our words should be chosen carefully and spoken with love.  The purpose should be to build up and encourage, not tear down and humiliate.  And this should never be done in public.  Ephesians 5:33 says "A wife must respect her husband".  Temper your words with wisdom and respect, or do not speak at all.

II Samuel 6:16, Part 3

...And when she saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord, she despised him in her heart.

Regardless of Michal's motives, we can still learn much from her story.  First, we saw that in our pain we should turn to God and not against Him.  The second thing I see in this chapter is a wife who tries to get between her husband and God. 

Michal criticizes David in verse 20, basically telling him his worship makes him look like a fool.  In what ways do we do this today?  Do we wish - silently or openly - that our husbands wouldn't sing too loudly or raise their hands in worship?  Do we resent the fact that the alarm goes off too early in the morning because he wants to spend time with God before he heads for work?  Do we complain that his church meetings disrupt our family's meal schedules?  Do we quickly start eating at restaurants before he gets a chance to pray and draw attention to our table?

I've spent time this weekend examining my heart to see in what ways I am like Michal.  I've asked my husband if he has seen any of this behavior.  Our primary role as godly wives is to encourage our husbands to walk closer to Christ, not to draw them away from Him.

II Samuel 6:16, Part 2

Now that we see what brought Michal to this point, we can understand her better, and maybe not be so harsh on her.  Michal was hurting.  She was alone - her family was dead, she was separated from the husband who loved her, and her current husband considered her merely one of many.  And here was David, rejoicing and celebrating His God, while he had little to no affection left for her.  This is the Michal who publicly chastised her husband.  She was speaking out of pain.

I see similarities between Michal and Leah (Genesis 29).  Leah, too, had been used by her father and found herself in a loveless marriage, having to share her husband.  Leah also felt that ache, that betrayal, and that loneliness.  But here's the big difference - in the midst of her pain, Leah turned to God, not against Him.  Remember Leah's son Judah (Genesis 29:35)?  Leah said, "This time I will praise the Lord."  Her circumstance hadn't changed, but her heart had.  Lacking Jacob's affection, Leah found refuge in God's love.  Michal, on the other hand, let her broken heart lead to bitterness, both towards David and towards God.  She could not worship with David, because she had pulled away from God.  Instead of turning to Him and allowing Him to dry her tears, she turned her back on Him and ended up more alone than ever.

Maybe you're trapped in a loveless marriage.  It might be for a season; it might be this way for the rest of your life.  But never forget that God is faithful.  God is loving.  God is with you always.  Let Him be your comforter.  Let Him heal your heart.  He can bring joy where there is pain.  Isaiah 54:5 says "For your Maker is your husband— the Lord Almighty is His name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;  He is called the God of all the earth."  He will never leave you nor forsake you.

II Samuel 6:16

As the ark of the Lord was entering the City of David, Michal daughter of Saul watched from a window.  And when she saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord, she despised him in her heart.

I want to start out in defense of Michal.  I believe most commentators don't consider her life story when they criticize her outburst.  When I read Michal's story, I ache for her. 

Part of David's reward for killing Goliath was to be marriage to King Saul's daughter (I Samuel 17:25).  David, however, humbly declined Saul's offer, and the king's older daughter Merab was given to someone else (I Samuel 18:18-19).  Reading on in the chapter, we see that Saul's other daughter, Michal, loved David, and Saul decided to use that in an attempt to have David killed.  David rose to the challenge, exceeded Saul's offer, and married Michal. 

In I Samuel 20, we read how Michal saved David's life.  This is the last the two see of each other for quite some time.  Saul gives Michal, still married to David, to another man, Paltiel (I Samuel 25:44), and David meanwhile amasses several other wives and concubines (II Samuel 3:2-5).

When Saul dies and David becomes king, David demands Michal back.  Michal would cement David's claim to the throne, since she made him Saul's son-in-law (incidentally, David did not need to be Saul's heir, since God Himself chose him to be king - I Samuel 16).  David sends soldiers to get Michal, and Paltiel follows, weeping (II Samuel 3:13-16).

This is the Michal we see in II Samuel 6.   She had been used as a pawn between her father and David, the man she loved, for years.  She is taken from her second husband, who apparently loved her, to be part of a harem.  David, for all his strengths, never focused on strengthening his home.  Even before the Bathsheba incident, David had failed miserably as a husband and as a father.  And so Michal, hurt and bitter, used and neglected, lashes out at David.

(we'll continue with Michal tomorrow)

I Samuel 25:18

Abigail lost no time.  She took two hundred loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five dressed sheep, five seahs of roasted grain, a hunred cakes of raisins and two hundred cakes of pressed figs, and loaded them on donkeys...

Throughout the years that my husband was struggling with pornography, I often wondered just what I was supposed to do - if anything.  Should I say something to him?  To somebody else?  I was told he should have male friends to hold him accountable, and that I was not to take that role.  Did that mean I should sit idly by?  He knew that what he was doing was wrong.  Was it my place to point that out, or would I be nagging?  Should a Christian wife be submissive when her husband is choosing sin?

I think Abigail shows us the answer.  Her husband Nabal was a fool (it says so right in verse 25), and his foolish actions were about to destroy his household (v. 22).  Did Abigail hesitate?  No.  The Scriptures say she "lost no time".  She defied her husband and did what was right.  She took action to correct his error.  She stood in the gap between him and David and pleaded for his life.  David had mercy on Abigail (v. 32) and spared the lives of Nabal and the rest of the household.

As leaders in our home, our husband's foolish choices can destroy our families.  Our actions will vary based on the circumstances.  Abigail, for instance, apparently knew she would get nowhere by talking with Nabal.  For us, talking may be the most effective choice of action.  Perhaps a godly admonishment, spoken in truth and love, will open our husband's eyes to what he is doing and be enough to change his course.  It may take more than that.  Maybe we need to talk with a pastor.  Perhaps we need to urge him to seek out a counselor or support group.  In extreme cases, we may have to take our children someplace safe for a period of time.  But we should not - we cannot - sit quietly while our families are falling apart.

Remember, too, how Abigail pleaded for Nabal.  Intercede for your husband.  Bring him before the throne of grace and beg God to work on his heart.  Lose no time.

I Samuel 19:11-12

Saul sent men to David's house to watch it and to kill him in the morning.  But Michal, David's wife, warned him, "If you don't run for your life tonight, tomorrow you'll be killed."  So Michal let David down through a window, and he fled and escaped.

Saul, Michal's father, had it in for David, so Michal acted quickly to save her husband's life.  Chances are there isn't anybody out to kill your husband, so we might not have a lot of opportunities to save him physically (although since my husband's heart attack a few months ago, I've realized that I need to help him eat right).  More important is what we can do for our husbands spiritually.

We are all engaged in a battle for our souls.  This spiritual battle has consequences that reach much farther than any other struggle we face.  What can we do to help our husbands in this battle? 

Pray the armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18) for your husband.  Ask God regularly - daily even - to fit your husband with the belt of truth, the breastplace of righteousness, and that his feet might be shod with the gospel of peace.  Pray that he might put on the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit.  And pray, too, that he might be a man of prayer.  This is the best way to help protect our husbands from the attacks of the evil one.

I Samuel 12:24

But be sure to fear the Lord and serve Him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things He has done for you.

If only I could get this down, everything else would follow...

I Samuel 2:19

Each year his mother made him a little robe and took it to him when she went up with her husband to offer the annual sacrifice.

There are several things I like about this verse, but for the purposes of this blog, I'll focus on the second half of the sentence.  Hannah regularly went to worship with her husband. 

Worshipping together as a couple is so very important.  I have taught Sunday School and churchtime for years, but I have come to realize that, as important as that is, I also need to make sure there are times when I am sitting by my husband's side, worshipping, praying, and hearing the Word of God with him.  It's a vital part of a healthy, godly marriage.

I Samuel 1:22

Hannah...said to her husband, "After the boy is weaned, I will take him and present him before the Lord, and he will live there always."

My daughters are on mission trips right now.  One is in Nicaragua and the other is in Nepal.  I have thought of Hannah often during these weeks that they've been gone (and the months leading up to this).  Hannah had dedicated her son to God, and willingly made good on her promise.

It couldn't have been easy.  Not only was she surrendering her very young (and only) son, but she was sending him into an atmosphere that wasn't particularly godly (2:12).  Surely people talked, and Hannah probably knew what Eli's sons were doing.  If Eli couldn't raise his own sons to honor God, how could she trust him with Samuel?

But Hannah understood that she wasn't really handing her son over to Eli.  She knew to Whom she was entrusting his care.  In verse 28 she says, "So now I give him to the Lord.  For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord."  She knew that God would watch over Samuel, and have His hand on her son throughout his entire life.

I Samuel 1:10

In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord.

Hannah took her heartache to God.  It is such a privilege that we can come to God as we are.  We can lay everything at His feet, knowing that He is bigger than our pain.  Whether we come to Him in reverent prayer or simply weep without saying a word, He hears us.  His Spirit intercedes with groans that words cannot express (Romans 8:26).  There are no magic words, no rituals to go through - just a sincere heart.  He hears.  He understands.  He answers.

I Samuel 1:8

"Why are you downhearted?  Don't I mean more to you than ten sons?"

I have not experienced the pain of struggling with infertility, but some of those close to me have.  I think sometimes people within the church unconsciously magnify the ache, because we tend to focus so much on children.  Many women's groups are mom-centered and church activities often revolve around families with kids.  And each time the knife twists deeper.

Hannah knew that pain.  In a culture that valued sons, she had none, and she was ridiculed for it.  It's beautiful, though, to see Elkanah's response.  He loved her.  He wanted to be enough for her.  He valued her, not her ability to give him children.