Exodus 1:17

The midwives, however, feared God and did not do what the king of Egypt had told them to do; they let the boys live.

II Peter 2:17 says, "...Fear God, honor the king."  A true trophy wife shows proper respect to everyone, but she puts God first always, in everything.  God before husband, God before children, God before earthly authorities, God before self.

It's interesting to note that the midwives are named (Shiphrah and Puah, v. 15), and yet Pharaoh is not.  God honors our obedience.

Genesis 39:7-10

And after a while his master's wife took notice of Joseph and said, "Come to bed with me!"

Fidelity is absolutely crucial in a marriage, and it's very easy to see what Potiphar's wife did wrong here.  But it's also important to note what Joseph did right -

And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even to be with her.

Joseph kept as far as he possibly could from sexual temptation.  He avoided every appearance of evil.

Recently a new vendor started coming to my workplace.  He was a nice guy with a really nice smile. One day I remarked to a co-worker that this guy has a great smile.  That was all I meant by that statement - nothing more whatsoever.  But my co-worker, a non-Christian, quickly said, "You're married!"  And I realized two things:

1)  What may be absolutely innocent to us might not appear that way to the rest of the world.  Others do not know your thoughts or feelings.  Others do not know what does or does not go on behind closed doors.  Like Joseph, we need to avoid every appearance of evil (I Thessalonians 5:22).  That innocent ride home from a male co-worker might not look so innocent to others.  And it's certainly fodder for office gossip.  Do everything you can to not set off wagging tongues.

2)  In noticing this man's smile, I was opening a door.  Sure, I had no intentions of anything, no desire for any sort of relationship.  That was the furthest thing from my mind.  But we are not to give the devil a foothold (Ephesians 4:27).  It starts with noticing somebody's smile or his eyes or his biceps.  Maybe it's just getting together for lunch with an old friend from high school.  Maybe it's meeting alone with a male pastor for a counseling session.  Whatever it may be, take a lesson from Joseph and flee (v. 12).

Genesis 29:35

She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, "This time I will praise the Lord."  So she named him Judah...

Leah, this is why I love you.  This is where you triumph - not by your own strength, but by the faithfulness of God. 

Oh, how Leah's heart must have ached, being married to a man who didn't love her, constantly feeling the resentment of her husband and her sister, being thrown into a situation that she had little or nothing to do with.

She shows her pain in the names of her first three sons:  Reuben ("The Lord has seen my misery.  Surely my husband will love me now."), Simeon ("Because the Lord heard that I am not loved, He gave me this one too"), and Levi ("Now at last my husband will become attached to me.").  It is so easy to feel the desperation of this housewife.

But then comes Judah, and with him, a change of heart for Leah.  Because the battle for Jacob's attention continues between Rachel and Leah long after Judah's birth, I think it's safe to assume Leah's situation does not change.  But her focus does.  This time I will praise the Lord.  No longer dwelling on the injustices of her life, Leah looks up and she praises the God who has been with her all along.

We cannot always change our circumstances, whether it's marital problems, sickness, joblessness, a rebellious child, or any other trial that comes our way.  But we can always change our focus.  Look up and say This time I will praise the Lord.

Genesis 29:31

When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved...

Leah, someday when I see you in Heaven, I will give you a great big hug and tell you, dear sister, how much your story taught me when my marriage went through its dark days.  God has used your pain to reach others, and that is something to rejoice over.

God brought me to Leah's story during the dark days of my husband's porn addiction.  I found in Leah somebody who had experienced similar pain.  She knew what it was like to have a husband who wanted someone else - somebody more beautiful, more desirable. 

Leah's story is there for the wives who are in second place.  Maybe it isn't an addiction or another woman who stands between you and your husband.  Maybe it's his job, his softball team, fishing weekends, nights out with the guys, his mother...whatever it is, you find yourself, like Leah, hoping your husband will love you (v. 32) and become attached to you (v. 34). 

For those of you who feel you come in second, Leah and I have a message for you.  The Lord sees.  You may feel rejected and abandoned, but believe me, God knows your pain.  He sees your tears.  He sees your hopes get dashed again and again.  Know this:  you are never alone.

Genesis 29:31

When morning came, there was Leah!

I want to tread carefully here, because Leah is one of my favorite Bible characters (which I'll get into in a later post).  The focus of this post is not Leah personally - it is Jacob's surprise to find he was not with the woman he thought he had married.

Jacob had fallen in love with Rachel.  For seven years he had worked to win her hand in marriage, and finally the day had come.  He would at last be united with his beloved.  And so the wedding ceremony commenced, and his bride, heavily veiled, was presented to him.  Later, in the darkness of their tent, they enjoyed their wedding night.  But as the sun rose, he realized that his bride was not his true love, Rachel, but her less attractive older sister, Leah.

Anybody who has been married for awhile can attest to the "there was Leah!" moment.  She marries Mr. Right, he marries Miss Perfect, and all goes well until...he wants to watch football instead of going to her mother's house for lunch...she can't make anything more complicated than Ragu...he puts on a few extra pounds...she's too tired for sex, again...whatever it is, we've all been there.  We go to bed with Rachel and wake up with Leah (or we go to bed as Rachel and wake up as Leah).  The honeymoon is over.

So now what?  Well, for some couples, the marriage may as well be over.  "I didn't sign up for this!"  Guess what?  We did.  Remember for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health?  Here's where the rubber meets the road. 

What does a wife do when her knight's shining armor gets a bit tarnished?  She remembers her own imperfections.  She remembers she chose to love him no matter what.  She remembers that what God has joined together, He will help remain joined together.  And she leans on God to help her honor her vows.

What does a wife do when she's no longer the princess her husband married?  She makes a little bit more effort.  She spends a little extra time on her hair in the morning.  She makes his favorite dessert.  She surprises him with a new negligee while the kids are at Grandma's.  Don't give up when you hit your "there was Leah!" moment.  Be intentional about being the woman with whom your husband fell in love.

Genesis 29:20

So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because o his love for her.

It really is sad that Laban's trickery ruins this beautiful love story. But since we're not there yet, we'll focus on this part for now. Love made work a privilege. It made serving a joy. Jacob and Rachel were ready to face the world because they loved each other, and that was all that mattered.

Don't ever let go of the love in your marriage. When life gets in the way, remember why you fell in love. Remember how he was your knight in shining armor, how you couldn't wait to see him again, how you loved doing little things for him. Remember that you made a choice and a promise to love him for better or for worse.

Genesis 27:42-46

Then Rebekah said to Isaac, "I'm disgusted with living because of these Hittite women.  If Jacob takes a wife from among the women of this land...my life will not be worth living."

Rebekah's deception continues.  Truth is, Esau is none too happy that Jacob stole what was rightfully his.  Rebekah wants to send Jacob away to protect him.  But that's not what she tells her husband.  She tells him another lie, and adds some female drama to go with it. 

How often do we lie and manipulate to get what we want?  For some reason, women seem to be particularly adept at playing these games.  Again, they have no place in a godly marriage.  Be honest, don't play games, honor your husband's wisdom, and trust in God's protection and provision.

Genesis 27:9-17

...Then Rebekah took the best clothes of Esau her older son, which she had in the house, and put them on her younger son Jacob...

Up until this point, what we see of Rebekah is admirable.  However, trouble starts brewing in Genesis 25:28, when it states that she favored Jacob.  This could be because Isaac favored Esau, so it would be natural that a mother's heart would go to the child receiving less attention from his father.  But it also could very likely be due to what God told her before the twins were born -

...The older will serve the younger.

Rebekah's problems here are twofold.  First, she didn't trust God to do what He said He would do.  It was God's will that He would do something great through Jacob - and He did.  Jacob's descendants became the nation of Israel, and through his line the Messiah came.  But Rebekah felt she had to take matters into her hands.  She assumed she knew how God's plan would come about, and she took steps to make it happen (not unlike Sarai and Abram with Hagar).  Nowhere in this passage do we see Rebekah consulting God.

Know this - God will do what He has purposed to do.  He is a faithful God and His plan is perfect.  Sometimes He uses us to bring it about, but we need to be certain we are walking in His will before we act.

Secondly, Rebekah deceived her husband.  This should have been a tip off that her plan wasn't the same as God's.  Everything Rebekah said and did in this story involved lying to Isaac.  Deception should never be a part of marriage.  Yet here was Rebekah, lying to and manipulating her husband, taking advantage of his weakness. 

Honesty has to be at the core of a marriage relationship.  Two people cannot live together under a web of lies.  Whether it's half-truths, misleading conversations, or witholding information, it is deception.  It is sin, and it does not belong in a marriage.

Genesis 26:34-35

When Esau was forty years old, he married Judith daughter of Beeri the Hittite and also Basemath daughter of Elon the Hittite.  They were a source of grief to Isaac and Rebekah.

Reading ahead in Genesis 28:6-9 we find the reason for Isaac and Rebekah's grief - Esau married Canaanite women, rather than looking within his family.  This is largely a cultural thing, although today's equivilent would be marrying outside one's faith.  At any rate, the phrase "they were a source of grief" strikes me. 

I don't want to be a source of grief to anyone, especially not my husband's family.  I realize that a lot goes into the blending of two families.  There are differences in traditions, personalities, expectations, priorities...the list goes on.  It is not always easy to get along with one's in-laws.  However, the family is part of the package.  Just as we are called to honor our own parents, we need to honor our husband's parents as well.  Personal differences aside, we should respect their roles in the lives of our husbands and children and do our best to make things work.

Genesis 25:22

The babies jostled with each other within her, and she said, "Why is this happening to me?"  So she went to inquire of the Lord.

I love that Rebekah talked with God.  The picture of Isaac and Rebekah's marriage in these verses is beautiful.  Rebekah is barren, and so Isaac intercedes with God for her (v. 21).  They shared their pain, and Isaac brought it before God.  A wonderful picture of a husband praying for his wife. Later, when Rebekah is pregnant, she prays and asks God what is happening with her unborn children.  God answers her in the next verse.

Not to take away from Isaac praying for Rebekah, but it is significant that Rebekah herself can come before God.  Unlike other gods, Yahweh hears and welcomes the prayers of women.  He heard Hagar crying.  He understood the doubts of 90-year-old mother-to-be Sarah.  And He hears and answers Rebekah.  What a privilege we have to come before the One True God!

Genesis 24:67

...So she became his wife, and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death.

To be perfectly honest, my husband has the emotional range of a teaspoon.  While my emotions can be all over the place (within a timespan of two minutes), my husband is extremely even-keeled.  It can be extremely difficult to know what he's thinking or feeling.

That being said, one of our roles as wives is to provide emotional support to our husbands.  It may be comfort, encouragement, or a peaceful or joyful attitude.  We need to understand what he is thinking and be there to help him.  Not always an easy task, but so, so essential!

Genesis 24:58

So they called Rebekah and asked her, "Will you go with this man?"  "I will go," she said.

Rebekah left her father's house and everything she knew and held dear to marry Isaac.  She moved far from home, never to see her family again.  In so doing, she chose to put her husband first, ahead of her own wants and her family and friends.

Our husbands need to come before family and friends.  Don't badmouth your husband to your family.  Don't side with your friends against him.  Show them that you honor and respect the man you married.

They should also come before careers.  I recently watched My Best Friend's Wedding.  In this movie, Julia Roberts (Jules) tells Cameron Diaz (Kimmy) she's wrong to give up college to travel around the country with her husband while he pursues his career.  She convinces her that she doesn't want to leave her family, and that her husband should stay put in Chicago so Kimmy can follow her own dreams.  But Jules is missing the point - Michael is Kimmy's dream.  Careers, homes, and family are decisions couples need to make together.  But putting the marriage ahead of these things is a wise choice.  It breaks my heart when celebrity couples split up because both parties are too busy with their careers.  Sacrifice the job, not the marriage.  God first, your husband second.

Genesis 24:20

So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough, ran back to the well to draw more water, and drew enough for all his camels.

Rebekah's offer of water for the camels was not a small one.  Eliezer had ten camels (v. 10) - that's a lot of water.  I've heard that the well was probably underground, and each time she filled her jar she had to go down a long flight of steps, fill the heavy clay jar, and carry it back up all those steps.  She had to repeat this many times.  Even if there weren't all those stairs involved, it still was not a quick task.

Serving others is not always easy.  Keeping up a home can be tiring work.  I tend to fall so short in this area.  I'd rather curl up with a book than dust the furniture.  But I also know how much better it feels to curl up with that book after the laundry is done, the floor is vacuumed, and dinner is in the oven.  Rebekah didn't quit until her job was done, and neither should I.

Genesis 24:18-19

"Drink, my lord," she said, and quickly lowered the jar to her hands and gave him a drink.  After she had given him a drink, she said, "I'll draw water for your camels too, until they have finished drinking."

The idea of serving someone else runs counter to everything our culture tells us we should do.  Ads, magazine articles, and talk shows all tell us to look out for number one, and that a wife should never serve her husband.  And yet the Bible tells us to serve one another in love (Galatians 5:13).  What better place to live out that command than in our own homes. 

Rebekah not only displayed the attitude of a servant, but she took it a step farther.  She went beyond meeting someone's basic needs and looked to see what else she could do to make his task easier.  When she did that, Eliezer saw that she would indeed be a godly match for Isaac. 

What can I do to not only serve my husband in love, but to go the extra mile?  Make a sandwich for him while he's watching the game?  Let him sleep in on a Saturday morning?  Fill the car with gas instead of just telling him it's getting low?  Marriage isn't about giving 50%.  It's about giving above and beyond what we are expected to do. 

Genesis 21:17

God heard the boy crying, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, "...Do not be afraid; God has heard..."

Sometimes it just hurts too much.  Recently I sat with a friend whose marriage is falling apart.  "All I want to do is curl up in that corner and cry and never come out," she said.  I know that pain.  I remember lying on my closet floor sobbing because of the pain of my husband's porn addiction.  Whether it's an addiction, abuse, neglect, an affair, divorce...it hurts.  The wounds are deep and you feel alone and forgotten.

But never forget this - God has heard.  He sees your tears.  He hears the cries of your heart, even the ones too deep to come to the surface.  He knows your pain.  Earlier, in Genesis 16, Hagar called God El Roi - the God Who Sees. 

You are not alone.  You are not forgotten.  El Roi is with you every step of the way.